


Won't Give Up

by Iwontgiveup09



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-14
Updated: 2016-02-29
Packaged: 2018-04-20 19:57:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 29
Words: 33,572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4800344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iwontgiveup09/pseuds/Iwontgiveup09
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jonas and Erik have been friends forever. Their careers went in the same direction for a long time but lately Erik starts to get more and more games and Jonas feels like he is falling behind. While trying to deal with his professional football life,  Jonas is also starting to wonder if Erik is really only "just" his best friend or if there is more between the two of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [simpleandpure22](https://archiveofourown.org/users/simpleandpure22/gifts), [dortmundbvbbabe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dortmundbvbbabe/gifts).



> I will make this short: Many things and people have really annoyed me last weekend but all of it did inspire me to write and I do think the world needs more Durmann so this is my first attempt but you can totally still tell me if you don't like it or what you do/don't like about it, thanx :)

11th of April 2014  
  
Jonas was excited. Tomorrow, Dortmund would play an away match in Munich, and after the final training he had reasonable hope that he would be in the starting line-up for once. He had been waiting for this chance a long time and he was ready to take it if it happened this time. He was just about to put his earplugs in before climbing up the stairs onto the plane that would take them to Munich when he felt an arm wrapped around his shoulder casually.  
  
"What are you so happy about today?" Erik asked, appearing next to him and smiling down at him.  
  
Jonas smiled back at his friend. "Just looking forward to the match tomorrow," he replied, putting the earplugs back into his pockets because he knew once Erik started talking there was no chance he would be listening to music any time soon.  
  
"Yes, me too!", Erik said dropping his arm off Jonas' shoulder while they went up the stairs of the plane after each other.  
  
They always travelled on really small planes to away games in Germany with only 2 seats on each side in the rows, Jonas had a seat by the window and Erik sat down next to him. When Erik sat down a strand of his hair fell into his eyes and Jonas was almost tempted to brush it out of his face and had to stop himself at the thought.  
  
Him and Erik had been best friends for what felt like forever to him now. First at BVB II and then they even made the senior squad in the same season. Erik got a lot more first team games than him this season and probably more than they both expected but he was genuinely happy for him, he deserved every minute he was getting.  
  
Since they were both single they also shared an apartment in Dortmund. Living with Erik was easy, he couldn't even imagine not sharing the same place with him anymore. The thought scared him a little, sometimes. And also some of the thoughts he had now and again like just then, being tempted to brush away Erik's hair, this was not something best friends do, and yet sometimes he couldn't deny just how innocently beautiful his best friend was.  
  
"Jonas??" Erik waved his hand in front of his face. "Why are you staring at me like that? Seriously, you seem so deep in thoughts today, is everything okay?" Erik had a slightly concerned look on his face now.  
  
Jonas laughed it off. "No, don't worry, all good, you know what I'm like, despite all the flights we go on I can't help but always be a little nervous before we take off."  
  
"Awww, I'll hold your hand if you want to," Erik replied jokingly, taking Jonas' hand in his.  
  
Jonas felt a warm feeling rush through him at the touch and was again wondering what was even going on with him. Despite him secretly enjoying Erik's hand in his, he gently pulled it away. "Don't be silly," he said smiling at Erik. The plane started rolling and soon they were up in the air.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all your nice comments which definitely encouraged me to keep writing. This chapter is a bit short but the next few will be longer :)

The flight to Munich was only a short one, but it still only took Jonas about 15 minutes to go to sleep. Erik looked over at his friend and was still a bit concerned by his behaviour a few minutes ago. There was something on Jonas' mind. He knew him long enough to be able to know these things. The weather wasn't the best today, so the pilot just announced that there could be slight turbulence when the plane shook a bit flying through some heavy clouds. 

Jonas' eyelids fluttered open and he had that worried look on his face again. Erik put his hand on his arm. 

"Hey, don't worry, just some turbulence," he said, smiling at Jonas who smiled back at him looking relieved. "But seriously, what were you thinking about earlier? I could tell there was something", Erik said, looking at Jonas expectantly. 

Jonas sat up a little, rubbing his eyes. "I was just wondering if I might start tomorrow. I know I have been hoping this for ages, but after the final training I genuinely have a good feeling this time. I have been waiting for this moment for so long, I would just really love to start in a league game!" 

Erik knew how much this meant to Jonas. And he couldn't help feeling a little bad every time he was starting, and Jonas was again only on the bench. It was worrying Erik that Jonas might feel a little left behind. He saw how hard he worked in training, and he was so frustrated for his friend. It wasn't fair. 

"I really hope you will this time, Jonas. You deserve to so much and hey, if Klopp wants us to win he should know that playing us both together is his best shot," Erik grinned at Jonas and gave him a little push. 

He could see Jonas' eyes light up at the thought and he was just as excited thinking about it. It had been really much too long. He wanted to say something else but noticed that Jonas' eyelids already got heavy again. He had really tired himself out in training lately and he hoped that Klopp noticed this as well. This time Jonas fell asleep with a smile on his face, looking relaxed which made Erik smile himself. 

The flight remained a little shaky and Jonas' head fell onto Erik's shoulder the next time the plane shook a little. It never woke him up this time and Erik knew Jonas needed the rest so he tried to move as little as possible. He let his head rest against Jonas' and dozed off a few minutes himself while imagining what it would be like to finally play together with Jonas again.


	3. Chapter 3

Jonas didn't even mean to fall asleep, but somehow this happened to him every time he was in any moving vehicle. When he wasn't driving himself, naturally! He fell into a deep sleep the second time and only woke up again by Erik gently shaking his arm. 

"We just landed, sorry, I had to...," Erik smiled at him apologetically. 

Jonas laughed. "Don't be silly, I wouldn't want you to leave me here on the plane." 

They got off the plane together and climbed onto the team bus taking them to the hotel. When they arrived they expected the usual draw Klopp always made to determine who'd room with who. 

"Okay, listen up, everyone. I have decided not to go with a draw this time, since this is a big game. Maybe not for them anymore but we know it is for us, so I want you all to go into the game as comfortable as possible. You can decide who you want to room with this time," Klopp announced. 

Most of the players looked happy with that as nearly everyone had a "best friend" in the team. 

"But don't be staying up all night or this would be the last time I let you pick," Klopp gave them a warning look met by rueful smiles of the players.

 Jonas felt Erik smile at him as he grabbed one of the room keys and started walking towards the lift. 

"So, you've decided on your roommate already then, do I even have a say?!", Jonas laughed, following him into the lift. 

Erik gave him another one of his big innocent smiles when the lift door closed and impulsively gave him a quick hug. Jonas looked at him a bit surprised when he pulled back. "What was that for?"

"Just really excited we get to share a room for once." 

"For once? We live in the same apartment, Erik! It's not like we never see each other," Jonas said teasingly, even though he was just as happy especially as it came really unexpectedly. 

"I know!! But we never get drawn together before a game and I just feel like it's a good omen for tomorrow! I just want us both to start. I know maybe you think I can easily say that after playing so much lately, but it would really mean so much to me, too!" 

Jonas couldn't help but feel touched by Erik's words, and he knew that he meant it. God knows what was wrong with him, but he even felt his eyes well up a little. 

"It would mean so much to me too," he whispered, giving Erik a bit of a watery smile and was happy that the lift doors opened just in that moment.


	4. Chapter 4

Erik unlocked the hotel room door and walked into the room, followed by Jonas. They both looked a little bit put off when they saw that the room didn't have two single beds, as usual in team hotels, but only a double bed. 

"Well, this is a bit awkward," Erik said, looking over at Jonas, who put his bag down on a couch in the corner. 

"Don't worry about it, I can always take the couch, it's fine", Jonas said while unpacking a few of his clothes. 

"No, you won't. We have a big game tomorrow and I don't want to be responsible for you possibly not getting a good night's sleep on this thing." Erik grinned, looking disapprovingly at the couch that did look like it had better days. 

"You are too kind. In that case I'll at least let you shower first." Jonas laughed and continued to unpack his clothes. 

Erik headed into the bathroom and started the shower. Jonas could hear him sing, as out of tune as ever, through the bathroom door and it made him smile. He'd gotten used to Erik's bad singing voice over the years. Jonas switched the TV on to watch some football while waiting for Erik to finish his shower. Erik finally came out of the bathroom with just a towel wrapped around his waist. And then there was this feeling again. Jonas could neither describe it nor was sure of what it actually was, but it made his heart beat faster. 

"Your turn," Erik said and lay down on the bed next to him. Jonas could feel his warm skin when their arms brushed against each other and quickly got up to take a now much needed shower. 

When Jonas got into the shower he deliberately turned it to cold right away. As he stood there with his eyes closed, letting the cold water run over his face, he was again wondering what he was even thinking. 

Erik was his best friend. Fullstop. And his career needed his 100 % attention, he couldn't afford to have anything else on his mind. 

Jonas wasn't really sure how long he stood under that shower, but when Erik eventually knocked on the door asking if everything was okay, he thought it was time to stop. He hadn't noticed the time and how freezing he was by now from the ice old water. He wrapped a towel around himself and went back into the bedroom, quickly pulling the covers over himself to warm himself up. When he lay down their arms brushed again but Erik definitely didn't feel any warm skin from Jonas! 

"What the hell, Jonas? You're ice cold, what did you do in there?" Erik looked at him worriedly as Jonas was shivering a bit. 

"It's fine, I just wanted to cool myself down," Jonas replied, snuggling himself deeper into the covers. 

"Mission accomplished I'd say..." 

Erik lifted up the blanket a bit and moved closer to Jonas, wrapping an arm around his body. 

Jonas closed his eyes briefly as Erik's touch stopped his shivering instantly. When he opened his eyes again Erik was watching him carefully; his bright, blue eyes full of concern. Reluctantly Jonas wriggled out of Erik's gentle embrace and playfully hit his arm. 

"Stop worrying about me, I'm totally fine. Let's watch some football." Jonas moved towards to the other side of the bed and grabbed the remote control. 

After the Bundesliga Friday night game was over Erik switched the light off since Klopp explicitly told them they should go to sleep right after. 

"Good night, Jonas," Erik said, rolling onto his side, now with his back to Jonas. 

"Good night," Jonas replied even though he knew there was no chance he would be able to go to sleep already. There was too much on his mind. 

Erik could tell that Jonas had a hard time falling asleep because he could feel him moving around, switching from one side to the other. Erik turned around to face Jonas again. 

"Is everything okay?" Erik asked, trying to make out Jonas' eyes in the darkness. 

Jonas sighed. "Damn, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up. I just can't seem to fall asleep," he said, finding Erik's eyes. 

"You didn't wake me up, I hadn't gone to sleep yet either. What's wrong?" Erik asked softly. 

"I don't know. I just keep thinking about the game tomorrow. I was all excited earlier but what if I do start and then don't do well and we lose? And I miss the one chance I had to really prove myself?" Jonas replied, running a hand through his hair. 

Erik sat up, leaning himself on his elbow, looking down at Jonas. 

"You can't put yourself under this kind of pressure. Just think about it like that: Bayern usually beat everyone and we are always the underdogs against them. No matter what happened in 2011 and 2012, things have changed again so we don't have anything to lose out there tomorrow and neither do you! And if you do start I know you will be great!" 

He saw Jonas smile at his words.

"You say that because you're my best friend. But I always feel like nothing I do here is ever good enough. Not for Klopp, the media or the fans. I do read what they write about me, how they think I will forever just only be a talent and never make it here..." Jonas' voice broke off, and through the little light was that shining through the bedroom curtains Erik could see that he had tears in his eyes. 

"Hey, don't say that..." Erik said gently and couldn't help but reach over to stroke his cheek and hold his face. Jonas lifted his chin up a little and looked straight into Erik's eyes.  

"You will make it here, you know it and I know it and that's all that matters for now. Everyone else will see it soon enough, trust me. Remember when I had exactly the same thoughts before they changed my position to a fullback? And you always told me to believe in myself and you were right. So now it's your turn to listen to me!" 

Jonas couldn't look away from Erik's earnest and sincere face, and he so wanted everything Erik said to be true.

"Thank you..." he whispered and reached out for Erik's hand that was still gently stroking his cheek to calm him down.

"Not for that and now get some sleep, we both need it," Erik replied, giving Jonas another one of his heart-melting smiles. 

When Erik smiled like that it felt like all of Jonas' worries were very far away, and he finally completely relaxed for the first time that day. Erik was still facing him but had now drifted off to sleep, never letting go of Jonas' hand before he did.

Jonas thought about turning around but didn't want to wake up Erik again. And it all felt too nice and comforting. For once he didn't want to overthink anything, so he just moved a little closer to Erik and finally fell asleep himself, still holding onto Erik's hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I enjoyed writing this chapter the most so far, hope you enjoy reading it too :) And thank you for all the comments so far!


	5. Chapter 5

Jonas woke up by the sun shining through the curtains. He blinked a few times to adjust himself to the light and then remembered he was sharing a bed with Erik. For the first time. And somehow after all those hours he was still holding his hand. Looking at the sunlight on Erik's face made him smile. He looked so peaceful and beautiful. Jonas gently slid his hand out of Erik's, since he was still asleep and wouldn't notice, and brushed the hair out of the blond's face. He let his fingers run through the soft hair which caused Erik to stir a bit and open his eyes. Jonas quickly drew his hand back and pretended to stretch. 

"Good morning. I thought you'd never wake up," Jonas teased him, sitting up in bed and quickly putting on some shorts. He only realised now that they fell asleep with just their towels wrapped around themselves. 

Erik looked at him sleepily. "It's not that late yet, is it?" 

"No, don't worry. I was just kidding but we should get ready for breakfast now. I'll just go have another quick shower," Jonas said and climbed out of bed. 

"Maybe try it with hot water this time, Jonas..." Erik teased, causing Jonas to throw a pillow at him. 

After they had breakfast with the team it was time for the pre-match warm-up they always had in the mornings before the match. It was only a bit of running and some small passing exercises but Jonas felt good. He was ready for this game and he hoped Klopp saw this. 

After the warm-up Klopp gathered everyone in a room in the lobby of the team hotel. This was always the time when the line-up would be announced. Jonas took a deep breath when he started to read out the names. Erik stood next to him and felt just as nervous. His name was already read out but he couldn't relax until Jonas' was too. He noticed the anxiety on Jonas' face and grabbed his hand instinctively. Jonas looked at him, surprised, and then gave him a small smile, holding his hand really tight. 

"Jonas," Klopp said, searching the room for him and finding him. "I know you've been waiting patiently for a long time for this, so give it all you got today. You're starting." 

Jonas didn't even hear who else was named after him. Did he really hear that correctly? He was starting? In Munich against Bayern? He looked at Erik for confirmation. The blond smiled at him excitedly, throwing his arms around Jonas pulling him in for a hug.

"I told you!! This is it, Jonas, we're both starting! You deserve this so much, I am so happy for you!" Erik shouted, still hugging Jonas. 

"I can't believe it, I mean I said I had a good feeling but actually hearing it.. is like..," Jonas didn't know what to say, but there were no more words needed. They both knew how he felt. 

The rest of the day flew by and there they were, standing in the tunnel before the game. Jonas' pre-match nerves were a total mess today. He knew it would stop as soon as they went on the pitch but right now he almost felt sick. Erik stood behind him and could tell without seeing his face from the way Jonas was shifting his weight from one foot to the other and kept clenching and unclenching his fingers.

He moved closer to Jonas and gave his shoulders a little reassuring squeeze while leaning down. 

"I believe in you," Erik whispered in Jonas' ear. Jonas turned his face slightly and gave him a grateful smile. Jonas' smile could lift anyone's spirits, Erik wasn't sure he knew just how infectious it was. 

It was only four simple words but they meant everything to Jonas. That was all he needed to hear, that someone in this world believed in him, especially when it was coming from his best friend. 

They finally walked onto the pitch and as predicted Jonas was now completely calm. The match kicked off and Jonas had a good feeling from the start, Dortmund looked in control early on. Jonas was playing on the right in midfield and Erik at left back on the other side, where he totally shut down Robben. 

Jonas watched how Erik threw himself into one tackle after the other, almost always coming out on top. Jonas was happy with his game too, in the 20th minute he made a quick throw-in which lead to Miki giving them the opening goal. He quickly high-fived Erik after the goal, both giving each other big smiles. 

At half time they sat next to each other, listening to Klopp's team talk that basically telling them to keep going exactly like they did in the first half. Erik got some extra praise for his great performance so far too. Jonas smiled and nudged Erik's knee. 

"You have been absolutely outstanding in this half," he said, and Erik's cheeks blushed. 

"So have you! Your quick throw was brilliant, without it we would have never scored the goal!" 

"Right, let's get back out there!" Klopp shouted and clapped his hands together. 

The second half started and Dortmund quickly got another goal. This time it was Marco who scored. Jonas was so happy with how well it was going, but he desperately at least wanted to set up a goal, too, to make Klopp see it was the right decision to play him. Shortly after Marco's goal Papa played a long ball in his direction. He saw Marco next to him but the ball fell right to his feet. He controlled it perfectly and then aimed it towards the goal. And it went in! 

Jonas couldn't believe it! He had scored! In Munich! He ran towards the away end, jumping up high and pumped his fist towards the fans. Marco and Auba ran to him quickly to congratulate him on his goal. While they hugged him he could already see Erik running towards him with the biggest smile on his face. 

When Erik reached him he wrapped both arms around Jonas pulling him away from the others. Jonas immediately moved his arms away from Marco and Auba to hug Erik back. He felt Erik gently kiss his neck. Wait, what? Jonas wasn't sure he felt that right, everything in that moment seemed so surreal, so he wasn't sure if this wasn't all in his imagination. 

"I am so proud of you, Jonas. I told you, you could do it! That was an amazing goal!" Erik whispered in his ear still holding on to him tightly. Jonas never wanted this moment or this game to end. 

Dortmund's first substitution already happened 6 minutes later. Jonas had noticed Robert getting ready to come on. He dreaded to look at the board because he knew if he was playing, he was usually the first player to get substituted and he wasn't ready to leave the pitch yet. Unfortunately it was indeed his number showing up on the board. Jonas sighed and, while running towards the touchline, passed Erik who touched his back gently when he was next to him. 

Jonas knew he did it to cheer him up and he didn't want to dwell on the substitution too much. They were 3-0 up in Bayern and he had scored! Klopp gave him a hug as he walked past him to the bench. "Well done, Hoffi, you did great!" Klopp praised. 

The final 25 minutes passed quickly and Dortmund won the match 3-0. Everyone celebrated with the fans after the game and the atmosphere could have not been any better. After they showered, the press was still waiting for post-match interviews. Jonas saw Erik being interviewed by BVB Total. He smiled to himself, Erik had an outstanding game, he deserved all the attention he was getting. 

As he walked behind him on the way to the bus, he put Erik off by messing around behind his back. Erik looked annoyed for a split second and then quickly gave him a huge smile when he realised it was him. Jonas couldn't wait to celebrate this win with Erik tonight. 


	6. Chapter 6

Contrary to the flight to Munich, Jonas was much too excited to fall asleep on the way back to Dortmund. He and Erik talked all the way through it and it felt like they reached Dortmund in no time. The team bus brought them back to the stadium where they all had parked their cars.  
Erik and Jonas were just about to get into Erik's car when Marco walked over to them. 

"Well done again you two, fancy having a night out in the iRoom? We deserve to celebrate this!" Marco asked looking at both of them. 

Jonas wanted nothing more than just to chill out at home and celebrate in private with Erik, but he wasn't sure if Erik wanted that too and it would be a bit rude saying no to Marco. He looked at Erik, trying to read his face but Erik seemed to do just that with him at the same time. 

"Oh, come on, it will be fun!" Marco tried again, looking at them expectantly. 

"Okay, sure why not, if you want to, Jonas?" Erik said half-heartedly. Jonas could tell that Erik probably wasn't in the mood for this either, but he was also too nice to say no. 

"Sure, do you want us to give you a lift there?" Jonas asked and Marco climbed into the car with them.

When they arrived at the iRoom Jonas felt uncomfortable right away. They had been there a few times for Marco's sake but clubbing just wasn't his thing. Neither was it Erik's. Marco disappeared to get some drinks as soon as they entered the club, and Jonas and Erik hung back looking at each other. 

"Yeah, so... I didn't want to be rude but I really didn't want to come here tonight..." Erik said, staring at the party people around them as uncomfortable as Jonas felt. 

Jonas smiled at him. "I know, me neither..."

Erik grinned and leaned in closer because the music was so loud they almost had to shout to hear each other. "Let's make a quiet exit as soon as Marco is pre-occupied elsewhere. This is our night!" Erik tried to say as quietly as possible. 

"I like your thinking..." Jonas laughed. 

Marco came back with the drinks shortly after and, as predicted, quickly got pre-occupied with his friends Marcel and Robin at the other end of the room. 

Erik gave Jonas a nod and they both waved at Marco, indicating they would leave now. Marco looked surprised but before he could protest Erik and Jonas practically dashed out of the door. They both burst out laughing when they made it outside. 

"Well, that wasn't awkward at all." Jonas was still laughing as they made their way back to the car. Erik hadn't drunk any alcohol so he was okay to drive them home. 

"I know. I don't think I will ever get into clubbing in this life. But at least we made it out of there pretty quickly," Erik replied while he started the car. "So, where do you wan to go now?" 

"Would you mind if we just go home? I know I'm boring but I really just want to chill out with you there for the rest of the night," Jonas replied, looking at Erik hesitatingly. 

Erik met his eyes and smiled. "Perfect! I was hoping you would say that!" 

10 minutes later they made it home. Their apartment was situated in a quiet area not too far away from Brackel and the stadium. Erik parked his car in the garage and they climbed up the stairs to their place on the top floor. The apartment was pretty simple and probably not what you would expect as the typical footballer's home, but it was more than enough space for both of them. As long as they had a huge TV and FIFA they would be happy. 

"Shall we order some pizza? I know it's against all our diet rules but noone will ever know..." Jonas asked cheekily and Erik laughed. 

"Sure, why not, we have to celebrate somehow! I'll get some beers out of the fridge." Erik replied, doing just that. 

The pizza arrived soon after and they shared it, sitting on their big black sofa watching the Sportstudio highlights that had just started. The programme started with BVB's highlights. The commentator constantly praised Erik during the first half and Erik blushed listening to it. Jonas noticed and nudged his arm.

"You are too adorable, you better get used to people praising you, Erik. It will only get more." 

Erik laughed and ran his fingers through his hair. He always did that when he was nervous or uncomfortable, Jonas could read him like a book. The second half highlights started and Erik grabbed Jonas' hand again when they knew his goal would be on any second. 

"What an excellent ball control and finish from Jonas Hofmann, makes you wonder why he hasn't been starting any games before today," the Sportstudio commentator wondered. 

"YES EXACTLY!" Erik shouted at the screen which made Jonas laugh again. 

They showed their goal celebration up close and watching it made Jonas blush too now. 

"Aww look at us!" Erik said happily and let go of Jonas' hand to wrap his arm around his shoulder.  
"Seriously, I know I said this a million times already today but I am so proud of you and so happy we got to share those moments on the pitch together." Erik's eyes sparkled and Jonas again felt it hard to break the eye contact. He moved closer to Erik and let his head rest on his shoulder. 

"I am proud of YOU! I scored but you totally rocked this whole game and there's a reason why you were man of the match." Jonas said softly. 

"Okay, let's say we were both great and we both deserved it, after all this time we have been waiting to play together properly again," Erik said and ruffled Jonas' hair. 

Jonas suddenly felt very tired. The hard training week and all the excitement of the day caught up with him and he drifted off to sleep on Erik's shoulder. Erik didn't have the heart to wake him up and gently moved to the side a bit so they could both lie down on the couch. Jonas' head was lying next to him but in his sleep Jonas had wrapped his arm around Erik and cuddled up close to him. 

Erik could have easily tried to get up without waking Jonas to go to his bedroom, but something held him back. Sure there was nothing wrong with this, they had been best friends forever and he felt like the day should end exactly like this. He turned on his side and gently stroked Jonas' hair which made Jonas smile in his sleep. Erik wrapped his own arm around Jonas too now, feeling his warm skin against his as he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments much appreciated as always :)


	7. Chapter 7

Jonas and Erik were both jolted out of their sleep by Jonas' phone ringing in the morning. Jonas quickly sat up and reached for it on the living room table. "Hello?" he murmured sleepily. 

"Where the hell are you, Jonas? Training starts in 10 minutes and you're nowhere to be seen and unsurprisingly neither is Erik." Sebastian's voice sounded stern on the other line. 

"Oh shit, what time is it?" Jonas looked at his watch and realised it was in indeed 10 minutes before 11 am when training would start. "Sorry, we are on our way!!" Jonas shouted and quickly hung up. 

Erik had turned around again on the couch oblivious to it all. Jonas leaned back down to shake his shoulder. 

"Erik! Get up! We are late for training!" 

Erik quickly jumped up. "Woah damn, I thought we wouldn't need an alarm or rather I totally forgot to set one..." he admitted. 

They both threw on some clothes and rushed out of the door. 

Luckily for them the coaching staff were still in another room analysing last night's game when they finally arrived at the training ground. 

"Glad you could join us." Sebastian greeted them sarcastically but now with a smile on his face. "Partying hard last night?" 

Erik blushed, now for the first time recollecting last night's events. They had actually fallen asleep in each other's arms. Sharing a double bed was one thing but yesterday on the couch... 

Jonas glanced over at him and saw the confusion in his eyes. 

"If they partied hard, it wasn't with me, they left the party so early!" Marco exclaimed from the other side of the room. 

Jonas could see Erik blushing even more now. He quickly spoke up for him. "We were just tired and fell asleep right away, that was all," he said matter-of-factly and was glad Klopp arrived just in that moment before the others could ask more questions.

The players who played the night before only worked in the gym a bit and did some light running training. The training was over pretty quickly, Jonas was done a bit earlier than Erik and went to take a shower and then waited for him to finish his training so they could go home. When Erik returned to the dressing room, Jonas could tell that he avoided looking at him. 

"You don't have to wait for me, I promised Marvin to go over to play some FIFA with him so I'll be home later," Erik said without looking at him and without waiting for Jonas to reply, he went to take a shower. 

Jonas couldn't help but feel a little hurt by that. For one he wasn't sure if Erik was actually telling the truth and if he was he could have easily joined them. He could still tell that Erik needed some space either way right now, so he didn't wait for him to finish his shower and quietly left the dressing room. 

When Erik came out of the shower he was half hoping that Jonas would still be there. Why did he even just say that? There was absolutely nothing wrong with anything last night, still the questions and looks from Sebastian and Marco made him feel uncomfortable. He wasn't in the mood for FIFA or anyone's company at all and since Jonas had taken the car he decided to just walk home to clear his head. 

When he noticed that it had started to get dark, Erik realised that he had basically just been walking around aimlessly for hours now. It still made him feel better and he didn't understand himself why he overreacted like that earlier. He definitely owed Jonas an apology. He took the steps up to their apartment two at a time and unlocked the door. Jonas was sitting on the couch watching TV and didn't turn his head when he walked in. 

What Jonas was really doing was pretending to watch TV. He had noticed the time when it started to get dark outside or rather by checking his phone for messages from Erik every five minutes. The longer he stayed out the more worried he got that he shouldn't have allowed himself to fall asleep with Erik last night. 

Erik sat down on the couch next to him. "Hey," he said softly, trying to get Jonas' attention. 

"Hey, did you enjoy your FIFA afternoon?" Jonas asked non-committedly, still pretending to be engrossed in watching TV. 

"I didn't actually. I'm sorry I lied to you, I just went for a long walk," Erik replied earnestly, which finally made Jonas look at him, raising an eyebrow. 

"I was just uncomfortable when Sebastian and Marco asked those questions and everyone was looking at me and it made me think whether we did anything "wrong" last night which we obviously didn't because all we did was fall asleep on the same couch," Erik blurted out. 

"Look, I didn't mean to make you feel like that, it won't happen again, okay?" Jonas said and for the first time today properly smiled at Erik which immediately made him feel at ease. 

"Don't be silly, it was totally fine. Just me and my insecurities and still being shy around the team sometimes. So, we are good, right?" Erik said, can't help but sound hopeful. 

Jonas smiled again, gently punching his arm. 

"Of course we are good! Like I could be mad at you for longer than a few hours." Jonas laughed. "So, how about a game of FIFA then, since you didn't actually play any yet today?" he added and Erik nodded, getting up to get the controllers.


	8. Chapter 8

The Monday after was already the final training day before the DFB Cup semi final against Wolfsburg. Jonas worked even harder than before because he enjoyed the match in Munich so much; he wanted more. He had to stop to catch his breath for a few moments before it was the end of the training practice game. Erik noticed that and looked at him, concerned. 

"Don't overdo it, Jonas..." he warned, putting a hand on his back. "Are you okay?" 

Jonas still needed a few seconds before he could talk. "Of course, don't worry, I was just pausing to get a drink," Jonas said, out of breath and quickly drank some water out of his bottle to prove his point. 

Erik still didn't look convinced. 

Klopp came over in that moment, handing Erik a yellow bib and and Jonas a red one. Jonas' heart sank a little when he realised that all the usual first team players had yellow bibs and he was in a team with the subs. 

"Hey, this doesn't mean anything yet, okay? You know there's no final decision until tomorrow!" Erik whispered when he saw the disappointment on Jonas' face. 

Jonas nodded and tried to push the thought of being benched again to the back of his mind and did his best in the training game. He scored twice and Erik gave him thumbs up each time. 

When they arrived home that night Erik could tell that Jonas was still deep in thoughts. They ate pretty much in silence and sat down to watch some TV after but Erik could tell Jonas wasn't really paying attention. 

"It won't do you any good worrying, Jonas, it will just effect your game. Try not to let it get to you like that," Erik said softly, laying his hand on Jonas' shoulder.   
"That's easy for you to say, now that you're always playing," Jonas said carelessly, and Erik drew his hand back immediately. 

Jonas looked at him and saw the hurt look in his eyes, and he immediately felt bad. 

"God, Erik, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that! I never want you to think that I am not happy for you getting all this playing time because I am. You deserve every game! Just ignore me, I am an idiot..." Jonas apologised and looked down at his hands. He felt even worse than before now. 

Erik moved closer to Jonas and gently lifted Jonas' chin up and turned his head towards him. "I know you didn't. And I totally get your frustration but maybe those bib colours really meant nothing today. You were amazing against Bayern and you scored twice in the training game. There is no reason to drop you! Klopp would be stupid to do that!" Erik said earnestly, his big green eyes gazing into Jonas'. 

Jonas felt touched by his words and put his hand over Erik's hand that was resting on the couch. "Thank you. I wouldn't know what do without you," he said earnestly, smiling at Erik. 

"Well, it's a good job you'll never have to find that out. I'll always be here," Erik said softly, melting Jonas' heart a little with his words and the sincere look in his eyes. 

Jonas experienced the same feeling he got when Erik came out of the shower on that night before the game and when they lay in bed together. He still couldn't explain what it was and pushed it out of his mind once again. It was too confusing and all too much for him right now. 

He broke their eye contact and got up from the couch.

"Right, I better get some sleep!" he said walking over to his room. 

"Yeah, sure, me too, we should have an early night," Erik said walking in the other direction. 

Jonas opened his door and turned around again before going in. "Oh, and Erik?"

"Yes?" Erik replied, pausing in front of his bedroom door. 

"I'll always be here, too." 

Erik's eyes lit up from Jonas' words and they both went to sleep with a smile on their face.


	9. Chapter 9

Jonas dreamt of the game in Munich that night. Just that when he scored and turned to celebrate, he was suddenly in Dortmund in front of the Südtribüne. His alarm went off right then and his mind went back to the match against Braunschweig right at the start of the season. He only played for 22 minutes but won a penalty and, most importantly, scored his first goal in front of the Südtribüne. He still got goosebumps remembering that moment. Unfortunately, Erik was an unused sub that day so they couldn't celebrate on the pitch together. He would love to score at home and then celebrate while they both play, like in Munich. 

His dream somehow made him more positive about starting today, and he was in a good mood at breakfast. Erik noticed his best friend's mood change straight away. 

"So, what happened to you overnight? Took my words to heart then, huh?" he teased, smiling at Jonas. 

"That was part of it, of course." Jonas winked at Erik and continued, "But I had this dream, where everything happened like in Munich, but suddenly we were in our stadium and ever since then I can't stop imagining us celebrating one of us scoring in front of the Südtribüne," he finished. 

"Who knows, it could happen today!" Erik replied, and they smiled at each other again. 

Shortly after, they left to drive to Brackel for the pre-game warm-up and then later on to the team hotel. Klopp called them all to a room again to announce tonight's line-up. Erik's name was mentioned right at the start and Klopp once again praised his great performance against Bayern. Erik smiled shyly and then searched for Jonas' eyes across the room. Jonas had arrived at the room a little later than usual after signing some autographs for the fans outside, so they didn't stand together this time. 

Jonas gave him a big smile and mouthed a "Well done". Erik mouthed what Jonas understood at "You next" at him. 

When the 10th name was announced and Robert's wasn't in there yet, Jonas knew. Of course Robert was the 11th starter, and his name was read out quickly along with the other subs. 

He saw Klopp turning towards him, but he didn't want to hear it. He quickly walked out of the room and into the little garden of the hotel, sitting down on a bench near a tree. The tree was blocking the view on him from inside the hotel. He felt silly because it was nothing new to him not to start a match, but after Munich he had such high hopes and now he couldn't stop the tears from coming. 

Erik's heart went out to Jonas when Klopp read out Robert's name. He saw Jonas' devastated face before he quickly left the room. Erik went after him straight away. He first didn't see Jonas outside until he walked past the tree. Jonas had his head in his hands and Erik could see his shoulders shaking from his sobs. It hurt Erik so much to see Jonas like that. 

He sat down next to him and put his arm around him. "Hey.... I'm so sorry..." Erik whispered, rubbing Jonas' back. 

Jonas looked up and tears were still streaming down his face. Erik had to blink back tears himself now. 

"I don't understand it. What could I have done better?" Jonas asked helplessly searching for an answer in Erik's eyes. 

Erik gently cupped his face and wiped his tears away. "You did great, never doubt yourself. I don't understand it either and it is not fair at all!" he said emphatically. "Don't give up, when you come in today you will show him what a mistake he made not starting you!" 

Jonas gave him a weak little smile. "IF I come in..." 

"Of course you will! Look, we better go back inside, I hate to say it but we have to leave for the match soon..." Erik said, getting up from the bench, grabbing Jonas' arms to pull him up too. 

Erik gave him another long hug. Jonas had his head pressed into Erik's chest and could feel his heartbeat as he stroked his hair. Both calmed him down a lot and enough to be able to hold it together and go back inside. 

They travelled to the stadium soon after. Jonas went through the warm-up exercises on auto-pilot. He wished Erik good luck before he went out to take his much too familiar seat on the bench. Miki and Robert gave Dortmund a 2-0 lead before half time and it never looked like Wolfsburg would come back. 

Jonas started to warm up with the subs at halftime and then again a few minutes after the second half had started. His eyes were on Erik all the time while he was going through the exercises. Erik had another amazing game, despite still feeling awful about not playing, he was so proud of him and couldn't help but smile at every successful tackle or cross Erik made. 

Oliver came on as sub in the 72nd minute, followed by Auba in the 85th minute. Jonas tried hard to hide his disappointment. So he wasn't even going to come in now or, if at all, only for the last 5 minutes. Klopp shouted at Julian to get ready next for the final minutes of the game. Jonas and the other remaining subs made their way back to the bench. This walk was always the hardest for Jonas. It was awful not to start but to walk back to the bench being an unused sub, he just hated that feeling. It made him feel not good enough. 

The match finished right after. When he saw Erik running towards him with a beaming smile, he forgot about his own disappointment and let him hug him. 

"We did it!! We made the final! We are going to Berlin!" Erik shouted excitedly jumping up and down in Jonas' arms. 

"Congratulations, you were amazing again tonight!" Jonas said truthfully. 

Everyone got matching Pokalfinale shirts to wear and they celebrated in front of the Südtribüne for many minutes. Nothing could beat that feeling, even if he didn't play he was still part of the team and a fan of his own team, so Jonas enjoyed those minuted just as much as the others. 

Erik had his arm wrapped around Jonas' shoulder and they were about to make their way down the tunnel when a ZDF reporter stopped them and asked Erik for an interview. Jonas watched as Erik excitedly stood next to Sebastian. He looked so much more confident in that moment and not shy at all. It made Jonas proud, watching his progress. The other players had all gone inside by now so with one last look at Erik, Jonas followed them down the tunnel.


	10. Chapter 10

Everyone was in party mood in the dressing room. Jonas was one of the first being ready and was just waiting for Erik to be done to go home. He was still really happy about reaching the final once again, but it did feel different when you didn't actually stand on the pitch. No one could explain the feeling you got from that. 

"Okay, we have a day off tomorrow, Klopp just told me, so I suggest we all go out partying together tonight, what do you think?" Mats yelled over the noise in the dressing room.

Jonas sighed. He wasn't really in the mood for a club again after how uncomfortable he felt in Marco's club last weekend. He looked over to Erik. Erik high-fived Mats and this time, looking excited about going. He was just about to make an excuse for himself when Erik walked over to him and put an arm around his shoulder.

"You are coming too, right? We really have to celebrate tonight," Erik said excitedly. 

"Of course, you deserve it!" Jonas said and gave Erik a smile what he hoped looked more enthusiastic than he was actually feeling. 

They soon left for the club. This time they didn't go to the iRoom but to another club one of Marco's friends had just opened in the city centre called "Home". There was a big queue in front of it and Jonas noticed how posh everyone was dressed right away. Naturally they didn't have to queue and were led in through the back door.

When Mats got drinks for everyone, Jonas noticed Erik didn't hold back in drinking alcohol this time. Jonas got himself a cola, earning an reproachful look from Mats. "Someone has to drive," Jonas shouted and Mats just rolled his eyes. 

Jonas kept watching Erik, couldn't help but feel that he drank a little too much in a short period of time which was so unlike him. Not that Erik didn't drink at all but he was definitely very hyper from the game tonight. And Jonas wasn't the only one who noticed either. Jonas knew Erik was unaware of it but he caught the eye of so many girls in the club. One blonde girl in particular kept "accidentally" bumping into him and trying to make small talk. And eventually succeeded. 

Jonas looked at the scene with narrowed eyes as she took Erik's hand to drag him onto the dance floor along with her. And to Jonas' surprise he let her. Erik wasn't usually into dancing at all, especially not in public, but then Jonas had also lost count of how many drinks Erik had by then. 

And once again there was a feeling Jonas wasn't sure of. Just this time it wasn't a warm fuzzy feeling but it felt like jealousy. "Get a grip, Jonas," he thought to himself and looked away heading to the bar getting himself another soft drink. Watching Erik with this girl was bothering him more than it should. 

"Are you okay, Jonas?" Marcel was standing next to him watching him closely.

Jonas forced a smile. "Yes, sure!"

"I saw how you just looked at Erik. It almost looked as if you were jealous? Do you know the girl he's dancing with?" Marcel asked cautiously.

To Jonas' relief he realized that Marcel thought he was jealous because of the girl - and not because of Erik. Which of course he wasn't! Or was he? Jonas shook his head at his own thoughts, trying to focus on the conversation with Marcel. 

"No, I don't. Sorry, I'm just not as much in party mood because I didn't play. I mean I am totally excited for the team of course but you know what it's like, it's different when you don't get to play," Jonas replied, trying to change the subject and he was telling the truth after all.

"Ah, don't worry, you know how quick it can go. Who knows, maybe you'll start in the final!" Marcel said encouragingly.. 

"Thanks! And hey, don't mind me! Your wife is waiting," Jonas said and winked, pointing at Jenny across the room. A few of the players' had invited their wives or girlfriends to the party. Marcel gave him a friendly pat on the shoulder and walked over to dance with Jenny. 

When Jonas turned back to the dance floor, his eyes searched for Erik. He didn't see him immediately because the blonde girl now had her arms around him. They danced really close to a slower song playing in the club right now. Erik laughed at something she said. And then she leaned in even closer and pulled him in for a kiss. And Erik returned the kiss...

Jonas felt sick, watching this before his eyes. He turned around and quickly blinked away the tears he hadn't even noticed in his eyes. He didn't bother to tell anyone he was leaving, he just needed to get out of this club. When he made it outside the tears he was trying to stop just started to run down his cheeks. He got into his car and just sat there for what felt like forever, until it began to dawn on him that he had started to develop feelings for Erik that went past just friendship.


	11. Chapter 11

Erik closed his eyes as the girl he just met kissed him. He didn't even know her name. And he had a lot to drink. Everything felt wrong about this kiss. He shouldn't have led her on. He stopped the kiss immediately and drew back. 

"Hey, look, this is not a good idea. I obviously had quite a bit to drink tonight and I don't want to take advantage of that," Erik apologised. 

The girl looked indifferent. "Okay, whatever, plenty more of you around here..." she said dismissively. 

Erik shook his head at himself, what the hell was he even thinking. He felt a bit dizzy when he walked off the dance floor and got himself another drink. Probably not the best idea, but he just wanted to get back to having a good time. He looked around, searching the room for Jonas. He didn't really get a chance to talk to him all night. When they were in the dressing room earlier he couldn't help feeling something was bothering him. And he never even asked him. He noticed that Marcel was watching him from the other end of the bar and slowly walked over to him. Okay, now was really the time to stop drinking, he could hardly focus on his steps.

"Have you seen Jonas?" Erik asked Marcel when he finally made it over. 

"I have. He was watching you with that girl on the dance floor..." Marcel started. 

Erik felt sick. He didn't want Jonas to get the wrong impression of him and think that he just made out with any random girl when he had a little to drink. Which was exactly what he had done. 

"I thought he was jealous at first and that he knew the girl, but I think he was just a little down about not playing at all today," Marcel finished. 

"Damn, he never told me!" Erik exclaimed. 

"Well, you were pre-occupied, weren't you," Marcel smirked but quickly added "Hey, don't worry, he didn't want to spoil your moment, sure he is fine though!" 

"He wouldn't have spoiled anything, I wanted to celebrate with him..." Erik mumbled. "Thanks anyways, I am going to look for him." 

"Look for who?" Marco said, joining them at the bar, having overheard Erik's last words. 

"Jonas," Erik replied, starting to turn away from the bar. 

"Oh, he already left," Marco said nonchalantly. 

"What? When?" Erik looked alarmed. Surely Jonas would have at least said goodbye to him first or asked him if he was ready to go, too.

"I think right when you were busy elsewhere..." Marco winked. "So, did you get her number?" 

Erik didn't reply to that. He just pushed past Marco and Marcel, who looked at him inquiringly, and walked towards the exit of the club as fast as he could. Which wasn't very fast in his drunken state. He went to the place where Jonas had parked his car but it wasn't there anymore. He really had left. And he must have not only seen Erik dance with that girl but also kissing her. Erik walked over to the taxi queue and told the taxi driver to hurry up.

Jonas heard Erik open the door to their apartment. He was lying in his bed with the lights out. He had tried to go to sleep but there was too much on his mind. He was hoping Erik would just go to his room because he really didn't feel like talking to him right now. He heard Erik knock on his door. 

"Jonas..." Erik whispered. "Are you awake?" 

Jonas didn't reply and pretended to be asleep, but Erik still walked into the room. He could hear him coming closer. 

"I'm sorry..." Erik said, his voice full of regret. 

Against his instinct Jonas turned around. "Just go to sleep, it's late, Erik, we can talk tomorrow." 

"Ah, you're awake!" Erik exclaimed and rushed towards the bed, nearly tripping over Jonas' shoes on the floor. 

"Whoa okay, how much more did you drink? Jonas asked sarcastically. 

Erik could hear the contempt in Jonas' voice and even though he was drunk he was aware enough for it to hurt him. Jonas never spoke to him like that. Despite the fact that Jonas clearly didn't want him there right now he sat down on his bed and slowly lay down next to him. Now that he was lying down the room was spinning even more than before. 

Erik being this close was too much for Jonas right now. He turned his back to him, again pretending to really want to sleep. 

"Just go to your room, Erik," Jonas said, as forcefully as he could. 

"I can't go to sleep when I know you're mad at me," Erik argued and moved closer to Jonas. 

"I am not mad at you," Jonas retorted.

"You can't even look at me..." Erik said sadly. 

Jonas sighed, "Because I am trying to go to sleep..." 

Erik couldn't stand the distance between them any longer and cuddled up to Jonas from behind, wrapping his arm around him. He could feel Jonas stiffen under his touch at first but then he relaxed and let Erik hold him. Erik gave Jonas a soft kiss on his neck like he had done so many times before. 

"I'm sorry, seriously. I don't know what exactly you saw but that girl meant nothing to me..."Erik whispered into Jonas' ear, still holding him close. 

"It's none of my business who you date, Erik."

"I know, but I don't want you to think that I just go off with anyone when I've have had a drink. So, whatever you saw, it wasn't what you thought," Erik said and reached for Jonas' left hand and squeezed it. Jonas let him. 

"Again, you can do whatever you want.." Jonas said, in a softer tone this time. 

"I know, but you are my best friend and I wanted to celebrate with you and not some stranger," Erik replied.

Jonas' heart clenched when Erik said the words "best friend". This is all he would ever be to Erik. He still didn't want Erik to continue to feel bad and slowly turned around, not moving out his embrace. 

"I know. Seriously, stop worrying about it." Jonas smiled and stroked Erik's cheek. He could tell Erik was struggling to stay awake now. He was just starting to close his eyes when they were suddenly wide open again. 

"Wait, but are you really okay? Marcel said something about you feeling a bit down?" Erik asked, sounding concerned. 

"Yes, I'm fine and that's now really something we can talk about tomorrow. Go to sleep, Erik..."Jonas said softly and this time Erik allowed himself to drift off to sleep. 

Erik cuddled up closer to Jonas in his sleep, and Jonas gently planted a kiss on his forehead. Even if this was all they would ever be, Jonas didn't want to fall asleep yet and just enjoy this moment with Erik in his arms a bit longer.


	12. Chapter 12

Erik woke up with a pounding headache the next morning. It took an effort just to open his eyes and the room was way too bright. Slowly, last night's events came back to him. He groaned and turned around in bed. 

Jonas sat on his chair in front of the bed watching Erik, feeling slightly amused. He thought Erik would be feeling like this today and he had made him some toast and tea and a glass of water as well as a headache tablet, but Erik was still too zoned out to even notice him. Jonas got up from the chair and slowly sat down on the bed. 

"Good morning..." Jonas said and Erik groaned again. 

"Shhh, not so loud. My head!" Erik complained pressing the pillow over his head. Jonas laughed. He pulled the pillow away from Erik. 

"Here, I made you some breakfast," Jonas said, pushing the toast and tea into Erik's direction.

"Ugh no, not food..."Erik said, trying to turn around in bed again but Jonas had already grabbed his arm and pulled him up. 

"You gotta eat something. And I got you a headache tablet too, so once you ate, I'll let you have it and you'll feel better," Jonas coaxed him. 

Erik gave in and slowly started to eat the toast. He would never drink again! Jonas let him have the headache tablet eventually and then he just lay back down on the bed, waiting for it to do its magic. Soon he drifted back off to sleep. 

When Jonas was sure Erik was asleep again, he left the apartment and drove to the training ground. The team had a day off today but he just wanted to use the time to do some extra training. He went into the gym first, then did a bit of training in the footbonaut and went out onto the pitch afterwards. He jogged a few rounds and then did some dribbling and shooting training. 

"Hey, Jonas, what are you doing here? It's your day off?" One of the fitness coaches walked up to him. Jonas hadn't even noticed him nor had he noticed the time until now. He had nearly been training for two hours altogether. 

"I just felt like doing a bit of training, I'm out of here now, don't mention it to anyone, please," Jonas replied and made his way back inside. 

"I won't, but don't overdo it. I know you're frustrated about not playing as much as you hoped, but you need to allow your body some rest in between," the coach warned. 

Jonas nodded his head and thought to himself that he got more than enough rest on match days already for his liking...

Erik eventually woke up again around noon and felt much better than in the morning. The extra sleep and headache tablet definitely helped. He got up and walked into the living room, looking for Jonas. He checked his phone when he realised Jonas wasn't there,but he didn't have any new messages. Just when he thought about calling him, the front door opened and Jonas walked in. 

"Hey, where have you been?" Erik asked, as Jonas took off his jacket. 

"I just got some fresh air for a few," Jonas lied. Or tried to, it was never even worth trying really, because Erik always saw right through him. 

"In your training gear? And you look pretty exhausted for "just a bit of fresh air. So??" Erik asked, looking at him sternly. 

Jonas dropped down on the couch next to him. He did feel exhausted. Despite not coming on yesterday night there was still the warm-up before the match, in half time and all through the second half until the very end. The thought of not coming on at all still hurt him. Usually they either had a day off after games like this or just a little run down or training game in the morning, so he realised training for 2 hours was probably not his brightest idea. 

"I just went to the gym for a few and the footbonaut that's all, really." Jonas said, still not convincing Erik who raised his eyebrows at him.   
"Okay, fine, I also went outside on the pitch, happy now?" Jonas replied a bit angrily. He didn't see why he should have to justify himself for doing extra training, first to the fitness coach and now to Erik. 

"Actually no. We had a day off today, Jonas, and we get those off for a reason. I said that to you in training on Monday already, don't push yourself like this," Erik said concernedly and put a hand on Jonas' arm. 

"I am not pushing myself. It wasn't a big deal." Jonas said stubbornly. 

It hurt Erik to see Jonas like this. He knew how desperate he was to play more and he tried everything to prove he was good enough and - like today - sometimes too much. 

"So, about last night..." Erik said changing the subject because he knew the more he would argue with Jonas about it, the more it would push him into doing even more training to prove Erik wrong. "I just wanted to apologise again. You were feeling down and I wasn't there and I am truly sorry," Erik said sincerely, gazing into Jonas' eyes. 

Jonas felt like drowning in them. Today, Erik's eyes looked more beautiful than ever to him. He smiled at Erik. 

"You don't have to apologise, I was fine, you deserved to celebrate last night", Jonas said, never breaking the eye contact. 

"So did you! Only because you didn't play last night doesn't mean you didn't deserve it just as much!" Erik exclaimed, taking Jonas' hand and squeezed it gently. 

"I know. And I was happy for you and the team of course! I just had a few moments where I felt down about not playing at all. Especially after Munich. I just don't know what I have to do, I think I could score a hattrick and would still not play in the next match..." Jonas said defeatedly, looking down at how their hands entwined. 

Erik lifted his chin up to lock eyes with him again. "YOU know you are good enough and I know it and eventually the coaches won't be able to look past this anymore, trust me. And the more you worry, the more it will effect your game and your game lives from your carefreeness. Don't let anyone take that away from you!" Erik said emphatically.

Jonas smiled at him, again, Erik's words made him feel so much better, they always did. "Thank you."

"Not for that, it's what I should have said last night already! And come on, it's our day off, we should start to enjoy it before it's over! Fifa?" Erik asked and it was more a statement than a question because he already got up to get the controllers again and Jonas was glad to put his mind off everything else for the rest of the day.


	13. Chapter 13

Jonas' situation didn't really improve over the next few weeks. He never played more than 10 minutes in the next 3 Bundesliga matches and became increasingly frustrated. What was he going to do in just 8 or 9 minutes on the pitch? He was starting to look forward to the summer break, which was totally unlike him. He loved nothing more than to play football but feeling fit and ready and then still hardly getting to play was getting him down.

"Do you have any plans for the summer yet?" Jonas asked, while him and Erik watched TV on a Wednesday night in early May. 

"No, not yet? We still have two games in Berlin first!" Erik replied. 

"I know, but to be honest I'll be glad when the season is over. I don't think I will be playing any more in the last games, and I just want to have a break and then hopefully everything will change next season," Jonas confessed, flicking through the channels with the remote control, not really paying attention to the screen. 

Erik looked over at Jonas. He didn't like how Jonas had changed over the last weeks. He was usually so happy and smiling all the time, but the lack of playing time was really getting to him. Erik edged closer to him on the couch and put his arm around him. 

"I hope it gets better. Like I said, still two games, you'll never know what they bring," he said cheerfully, ruffling Jonas' hair. Jonas smiled. Which was much more like it. Erik hated to see Jonas sad.

"But anyways, I was wondering if you maybe wanted to go somewhere on holidays together this summer? We never really did that before? I mean, only if you have no other plans?" Jonas asked hesitatingly, looking at Erik. 

"Oh yeah for sure! I don't have any plans yet either!" Erik replied and Jonas jumped up excitedly. 

"Great, I'll just get my laptop and we can have a look for some good offers," Jonas said and went to his room. 

While Jonas looked for his laptop he could hear Erik's phone ring. Whoever it was, Erik sounded absolutely overwhelmed because Jonas could hear him say, "Really? Thank you so much," all the way to his room. He smiled to himself, Erik must have gotten some sort of good news. 

Jonas walked back into the living room where Erik had just finished his call. His cheeks were all flushed and he looked totally excited. 

"Hey, who was that on the phone? You look like you just won the lottery or something?" Jonas laughed. 

Erik jumped up and ran over to him to give him a hug. "Oh my God, you totally won't believe this! That was Jogi Löw! I didn't even know he had my number, well I didn't have his anyways because it said "anonymous call" and he called to say that I will be in the preliminary World Cup squad he announces tomorrow!!! Can you believe this?? I was never even called up for a match there before and now he might take me to Brazil? To the World Cup! Me!" Erik rambled and continued to hug Jonas. 

"Wow, that's amazing, Erik! And don't sound so surprised, you absolutely deserve this. You were great this season! I am so happy for you," Jonas said and hugged him, rubbing his back. 

And what he said was true, he was genuinely happy for Erik and he did deserve it, but at the same time he also knew straight away this would change things between them even more. Erik's career was going places while his was stagnating. But this was Erik's moment, Jonas couldn't let him see his feelings now. 

Erik only remembered the summer holiday again when Jonas put his laptop on a table in the corner. "Oh shit, Jonas, I'm sorry, guess that means we probably can't go away anywhere" he said regretfully. 

Jonas waved it off and smiled. "Don't worry about that! We can always go on holidays but a World Cup only comes along every four years!" he said reassuringly. 

Erik beamed at him. 

"And we will go on holidays as soon as we get a chance, promise! Do you mind if I make some calls? I gotta tell my family!!" Erik asked, still with that big happy smile on his face."

"Of course not! They'll be so pleased for you! I was going to have an early night anyways, go for it!" Jonas said and went to hug Erik one more time, "And again, I am so proud of you, Erik, well done!" and with that he walked back to the table to get the laptop and went to his room. He closed the door and leaned against it from the inside sliding down to the bottom and closed his eyes as a single tear ran down his cheek.


	14. Chapter 14

Erik was on cloud nine for the rest of the week. Neither Jonas nor him played in the final Bundesliga match of the season in Berlin, but he was still too happy about his call-up to think about it. And everyone was getting excited about returning to Berlin for the DFB Cup final a week later. Everyone but Jonas. Despite Erik's happiness, he didn't miss the change in his friend's behaviour. Before Jonas was "just" sad about not playing and was still confiding in Erik but since the call-up he withdrew himself from him more and more. 

Not that Jonas wasn't happy for him, he talked normally to Erik whenever it was about the call-up but as soon as Erik asked about himself, Jonas shut down. He went to sleep much earlier than usual most nights too and Erik knew he was doing it to avoid him but somehow there was just never time for a proper talk. They had a busy training week coming up and before the final in Berlin they were not roomed together either, it was never the right time. 

The final didn't go as planned either, Erik didn't come on, Jonas only came on for yet another cameo appearance in the last 10 minutes, and the referee disallowed a goal from Mats that was clearly over the line. They had lost yet another final to Bayern. Jonas and Erik sat next to each other on the bench after the match, too frustrated to speak. 

While Erik still had the preparation time with the national team the week after to look forward to, Jonas just wanted to get away. Erik was set to leave for the national team on Tuesday and Jonas didn't want to be around for that. Him and Erik had lived in this apartment together for two years now and he didn't want to be there without him. He had made plans to go see his family on Monday. 

They arrived back from Berlin in Dortmund on Sunday evening. Instead of driving around the Borsigplatz, they all once again just went home. The car ride was just as silent as the flight home had been. When they reached their apartment, Jonas quickly went into his room to start packing for his trip home. Erik knocked on his door a few minutes later and poked his head in.

"Hey, can we talk?" Erik asked hesitatingly and only then noticed that Jonas was packing his suitcase. "Are you going on holidays? You never mentioned anything?" 

"No, just going to see my family," Jonas replied, while folding a few more shirts. They didn't look as neat as he wanted them to be, so he unfolded them to try again.

"Ah that's nice, when are you going? Erik continued.

"Tomorrow morning." Jonas folded his shirts for a third time, trying to put his mind off the conversation. 

"Oh. I thought we could have still spend the day together tomorrow. Since I am not sure when we'll see each other again after this..." Erik said sadly. 

The tone in his voice made Jonas look up for the first time. The sadness in Erik's eyes made him feel bad. Making him sad was the last thing Jonas wanted. He stopped packing and sat down next to him on the bed. 

"Sorry about that, I just thought since you're leaving soon anyways I might as well go tomorrow and don't worry about that, it's not like it's that long and sure you'll have the time of your life in Brazil," Jonas said, trying to sound cheerful, smiling at Erik. 

"We don't even know if I make the final squad yet, I hardly played towards the end of the season, he might not pick me. What if I go to to Südtirol and he decides to take someone else instead of me?" Erik asked worriedly, looking into Jonas' eyes. 

"Of course he will pick you. Even if you didn't play that much lately, he recognized your talent and sure he believes in you. Otherwise you wouldn't have been invited in the first place. Just do your thing and sure you'll be fine," Jonas said reassuringly, squeezing Erik's hand. 

"What about you though? I know you have not been fine at all lately and it felt like you were avoiding me," Erik asked, concerned. Jonas tried to slip his hand out of Erik's, but Erik held onto it. 

"I was not avoiding you and I am fine. I was just a bit frustrated about not playing and I didn't want to bother you with that while you got the best news of your life. It wouldn't have been fair." Jonas sighed and leaned back to lie down on the bed. Erik did the same. 

"You would have not bothered me! I want you to always come to me when you're feeling down, no matter what, okay? You're my best friend," Erik exclaimed. 

It was a sweet thing to say but the word best friend made Jonas' heart clench again. He knew that what he said to Erik was only half the truth. He did feel awful about not playing, but then there were also his feelings for Erik. And his worry how the following months would change things between them. He knew there was no chance they'd ever be more than friends, but if he couldn't have more he at least didn't want to lose the close friendship they had now. 

Jonas was quiet for a while and Erik looked at him expectantly. If only he knew what was going through Jonas' mind just then. It wasn't like Jonas to keep things to himself. 

Jonas rolled onto his side eventually to look at Erik. "I know. You really don't have to worry about me. I just hope next season will be much better, sure a break from everything will be good for me right now." 

He wasn't sure who he was trying to convince by saying that. It didn't look like it was working with Erik either way, who had also rolled onto his side now and stared into Jonas' eyes as if trying to read his mind. 

"I wish we were going to Brazil together," Erik said softly, not breaking the eye contact. 

Jonas sighed. "I know. But I'll cheer you on from over here." 

"It's not the same." Erik said sadly wrapping an arm around Jonas. "I know this sounds stupid, but can I sleep in your room tonight? Sometimes it's all so overwhelming to think about the next weeks, if you leave tomorrow can we just do that for this one night?" 

Erik looked at him hopefully. Jonas was scared that being so close to Erik now would make saying goodbye to him tomorrow even worse, not to even mention the next few weeks, but how could he say no?

He lifted himself up a little and reached over Erik to switch the light off. 

"It doesn't sound stupid..." Jonas replied and moved back into Erik's loose embrace. Encouraged by Jonas' reply, Erik cuddled into him closer. 

Jonas gently stroked his hair. "You'll be fine over there and you know if you need me I'm always only a phone call away," he said soothingly. 

"Even if it's in the middle of the night your time?" Erik joked. 

Jonas laughed. "Anytime, you know that," he replied. 

It felt so good to be in Erik's arms. Jonas was close to falling asleep, but he tried to fight it. He wanted to enjoy this feeling for as long as possible, because he had no idea when they'd be this close again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to say thank you for over 1,000 hits so far and for everyone who has left comments! Hope you will continue to read and enjoy it :)


	15. Chapter 15

Jonas woke up with a start at around 2 am. His heart was beating fast and his t-shirt was drenched in sweat. He dreamt he was waiting for Erik to come back home after the World Cup, only for Erik to walk into their apartment announcing that he was going to move out because he had an offer from a bigger club. Jonas tried to talk him out of it, but Erik totally shut him down and completely ignored him. This was exactly what Jonas was worried about in real life, that everything would change after the World Cup, probably not as extreme, but he hated changes.   
  
Erik woke up by Jonas' sudden movement and noticed his discomfort right away. He sat up next to him and put his arm around his shoulder.  
  
"Hey, are you okay?" he asked, concerned.   
  
"Yes.. it was just a nightmare..."Jonas replied, trying to shake off  his thoughts.   
  
"It must have a been a bad one, your shirt is soaked," Erik said as Jonas tried to take off his shirt, that was clinging to his body, with shaking hands.   
  
"Wait, let me help you with that," Erik said and gently lifted Jonas arms above his head and pulled the shirt over his head. He got up to get a towel and a fresh shirt for Jonas.   
  
He watched as Jonas dried himself and put on the new shirt. He still looked troubled.   
  
"Come here..."Erik said, lying back down and opening his arm for Jonas.   
  
Jonas gladly took up that offer and buried his head in Erik's chest. Erik held him close and stroked his wet hair to calm him down.   
  
"What was that nightmare about?" Erik asked tentativly.   
  
"I... can't remember,"Jonas lied.   
  
And Erik didn't buy it, his answer came too quick. He knew something had been troubling Jonas all week and he wished Jonas would confide in him, but he didn't want to push him, so instead he just kept holding him close.   
  
Jonas was glad Erik didn't ask any more questions. There was no way he could have told him the truth. There was so much he couldn't tell him right now. Again, he just wished he could stay like this forever. He always felt safe in Erik's arms and just lying there listening to his steady heartbeat while Erik stroked his hair calmed him down so much.  
  
"Sorry for waking you up and... thanks for this," Jonas whispered, reaching for Erik's free hand.   
  
"Don't worry about that! I just want you to be okay," Erik replied and gently kissed Jonas' forehead.   
  
A wave of love rushed through Jonas' body. It made him shiver.   
  
"Aww, are you cold?" Erik asked concerned, holding him even closer, rubbing his back.   
  
"No, I'm okay! Let's just go back to sleep." Jonas replied and they both fell asleep shortly after, holding each other close.   
  
They were waking up in the exact position next morning when the room was flooded by sunlight. Jonas groaned. He didn't want this day to come. He reluctantly untangled himself out of Erik's arms and went for a shower. Erik was still asleep when he got back and he moved around the room quietly to pack the rest of his clothes. When he was done he went into the kitchen and made some coffee. He didn't really feel like eating.   
  
Erik eventually appeared out of his bedroom when the coffee was just ready. Jonas looked up and was once again struck by how beautiful Erik was. He looked his best when he just woke up, his hair didn't even need any of the hairgel he was so fond of using, he looked absolutely perfect like this. Jonas smiled at him and handed him a cup of coffee.   
  
"Good morning. Are you okay?" Erik asked, sitting down on the stool opposite from him.  
  
"You'll have to stop asking me that." Jonas laughed. "Yes, don't worry, it was only a nightmare, but I do have to leave now..." he said regretfully.   
  
"What, now already? It's only 9 am?"   
  
"I know but I want to beat the traffic, you know what it gets like there around noon." Great, another lie, Jonas thought to himself. It was just the longer he stayed, the harder it was going to be to say goodbye to Erik. Not like they hadn't been apart before, but usually not for such a potentially long time.  
  
"Well, okay, if you have to," Erik looked disappointed. Jonas felt bad, especially after last night. He walked over to him and put his arms around him.   
  
"Good luck in Brazil, Erik. And don't doubt that you will be there, because I know you will. Also don't forget to bring that Cup home with you," Jonas said, holding him close.   
  
Erik laughed.  
  
"Yeah, sure... We'll stay in touch though, right?" Erik asked, moving out of the embrace to search for Jonas' eyes.   
  
"Of course, we will! Like it could be any other way," Jonas said softly and went to pick up his suitcase and walked to the door.   
  
"Jonas?" Erik called and Jonas turned around.   
  
"I will really miss you,' Erik said, smiling sadly.   
  
"I will really miss you too. Take care of yourself." Jonas replied giving him one last smile before quickly walking out of the door.   
  
When the door closed Erik's heart sank a little. He couldn't wait to go to Brazil, but something still didn't feel right. He was always with Jonas in the last years, from BVB II to the first team to the U21s and now was the first time their paths took a different turn. He still wished Jonas would have been called up too. The silence of the apartment already got to him after just one minute without Jonas. And suddenly, he couldn't stop the tears from falling...


	16. Chapter 16

Jonas was trying to enjoy his time back at home with his family. And he did, but his mind kept wandering off to Erik. It was only 3 days so far and he already missed him a lot. They texted a few times, but Jonas knew Erik was busy. He was just scrolling through photos from today's Germany training on his phone when he saw one of Erik and Matthias Ginter. Erik and Jonas both knew Matthias well; the 3 of them were called up for the U21s together all the time and got on really well. There were also rumours that Matthias might join Dortmund this summer.

Jonas couldn't help but stare at the photo. Erik and Matthias looked like in their own little world gazing at each other while Erik was reaching for Matthias' hand. Erik looked at Matthias like he usually looked at Jonas. Jonas felt a stab of jealousy. He was happy for both of them to be there, but the 3 of them had always together before and now Jonas felt like the odd one out. The one who didn't get called up because he nearly sat on the bench all season.

He slammed his phone on the table just when his mum walked in. "Whoa okay, did you get some bad news, Jonas?" she asked, concerned, sitting down next to him on the couch.

Jonas forced a smile. "No, it's all good, my internet reception was just slow," he lied and his mum gave him a scrutinizing look.

"Is everything okay with you? You have been unusually quiet since you arrived and that's so not like you. You are happy, right?" Jonas' mum asked.

Jonas put an arm around his mum and gave her a hug. "Of course, I am, don't worry. It has just been a bit of a frustrating season. After the good start I was really hoping to play more..."

"I know, but you are still so young, Jonas, and you already made it to the first team. Just keep doing what you are doing and they won't be able to look past you," Jonas' mum said reassuringly.

"Thanks, mum," Jonas said and they continued to talk about happier subjects afterwards. He really had to shake off the memories of the last season. He hated how it still got him down.

A few days later Germany played a friendly against Cameroon. Jonas had slept in for a change and was woken up by his phone ringing at 9 am in the morning. He was too sleepy to look who was calling and just answered straight away.

"Hello?" he asked sleepily.

"Jonas? I didn't wake you up, did I?" Erik said on the other end.

Jonas smiled. They had only texted until then and it was good to hear Erik's voice.

"What do you think?" Jonas joked, stifling a yawn.

"Oh shit, sorry, but I wanted to tell you first! Löw just talked to all of us and he told me I will start tonight!! I am starting in my very first game for the A team? Can you believe it?" Erik rambled excitedly.

"That is brilliant, Erik! I am so pleased for you and how many times do I have to tell you not to sound so shocked about good things happening for you? You worked so hard all season and now it's paying off! I can't wait to watch you tonight!" Jonas said, genuinely happy for Erik.

He pictured Erik pacing back and forth through the room while he talked to him as he usually did when he was on the phone and very excited about something.

"What if I am up not up for it though and play totally bad tonight and then he decides not to take me?" Erik asked worriedly.

"You will be up for it. You know you are, just go out there like you always do and have fun. I know you will be great!" Jonas said reassuringly.

"How can you be so sure?" Erik asked, still not convinced.

"Because I know you. Trust me, you got this! And now make sure you tell your parents, they will be so proud!"

"Ah yes, I must do that! And I hope you're right! Thank you, Jonas," Erik said softly.

"Not for that! Take care." Jonas said and they both hung up the phone.

Jonas watched the match with his parents and his older brother in the evening. He was so proud when he watched Erik walk onto the pitch and stand there singing the national anthem along with all the first team players, and Jonas was right, Erik did have a brilliant game. You wouldn't have thought that this was his first A game for the national team, he looked so calm and controlled and had many good scenes going forward too. He was substituted in the 85th minute to a huge ovation from the crowd. Erik waved shyly and quickly sat down on the bench.

Jonas got out his phone to text him right away:

_Told you. You were outstanding. Well done! So proud! Jonas x_

The second after he sent it, he received a text message. From Erik!

_I did exactly what you told me to, think it went okay! Thank you again!!! Erik x_

Jonas laughed and replied again.

_Did you just text me from the bench while the game is still going on? Seriously?! :D_

Again, there was an almost instant reply.

_Haha, busted! But I had to message you right away! Better put this phone away now._

"What are you so happy about? I haven't seen you smile like this all week?" his mum asked, looking relieved.

"Just a text from a friend but yes, I feel much better now thank you," Jonas replied and after watching the post-match interviews he headed for his bedroom. He was just about to switch the light off when his phone beeped again.

Erik again.

_I know, I've said it already but thank you again, I kept thinking about your words all game! So happy tonight, just wish you were here! Miss you x_

The text made Jonas smile and gave him that warm fuzzy feeling only Erik could give him.

_You'll have stop thanking me!! And so do I! Miss you, too xx_

He put his phone away, switched the light off and rolled on his side to go to sleep, imagining that Erik was doing just this at the same time right now. It made him feel closer to him and for the first time since being back home he fell asleep peacefully.


	17. Chapter 17

The next time Erik woke Jonas up early in the morning was when he phoned to tell Jonas he made the final World Cup squad. Jonas told Erik again how happy and proud of him he was. He followed everything about the World Cup closely for the next weeks. Whenever he watched the DFB videos about Erik, it featured him and Matthias. Them swimming in the ocean, playing darts, laughing together by the pool. He was happy Erik had so much fun, but it still hurt. He somehow felt replaced by Matthias and he was wondering if Erik was missing him at all. At first they still texted back and forth many times a day, but it seemed to get less and less and they hadn't talked on the phone since that phonecall where Erik told Jonas he made the squad.   
  
Jonas missed Erik so much. He was glad when the pre-season training in Dortmund started to take his mind off things, but going back to Dortmund also included going back to their apartment and he was dreading being in there without Erik. Without him it didn't feel like home. He spent most of his time at the training ground, putting in some extra hours after each training, he really wanted to be ready for this season and wanted to prove that he was good enough.  
  
The BVB team left for their first training camp shortly after the pre-season start. Jonas usually shared a room with Erik for training camps but since Erik wasn't there yet, of course he had a single room, because with so many players still missing they had an uneven number. Jonas would have preferred to share a room with someone just not to feel left out again. He got on great with all his teammates, but they were still not Erik.  
  
On the night before Germany were due to face Brazil Jonas woke up at 3 am in the night with a sudden urge to talk to Erik. He always had the urge to talk to him, but in that moment it was bigger than usual. He grabbed his phone. No new messages as usual. He sent Erik a message when they arrived in the training camp, but Erik hadn't replied yet. He knew Erik was busy and tried not to take it personally. His finger hovered over Erik's name on the "call" button. He moved it back and forth a few times, but then just sighed and put his phone away to try and go back to sleep.  
  
On the other side of the world Erik was doing the same. He was exhausted. Even though he didn't play in any of the games yet the training was hard and the long flights between the games were taking its toll on him. He was trying extra hard in training, because he desperatly wanted to be on the pitch for a few minutes at least. It wasn't like he didn't enjoy his time in Brazil, but it was tiring. And he missed Jonas. He did have a great time, especially with Matthias, but he still wasn't Jonas. And Erik was aware that he hardly messaged Jonas lately. He somehow irrationaly had the feeling that he was letting Jonas down when he hadn't even come on yet. And he wanted Jonas to be proud of him.  
  
Erik lay down on the bed in his room and stared at the ceiling. He had only found out from Löw that he wouldn't be starting against Brazil either. So all the extra training was for nothing. He wanted nothing more than to be with Jonas right now. He reached for his phone that still showed Jonas' message from earlier about arriving in Kirchberg and him casually asking how Erik was doing. Erik wanted to call him so badly, but it was 3 am in Germany and he couldn't be so selfish to wake Jonas up in the middle of the night after not properly talking to him for weeks. He considered sending a text message, but he'd rather talk to Jonas on the phone. He wanted to explain why he had been so quiet lately. So he put his phone away again and tried to go to sleep.  
  
Little did he know that Jonas' attempt to do just that failed as miserably as his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter is a bit shorter than the others so far, but hope you still liked it :)


	18. Chapter 18

Erik never got the chance to call Jonas in the morning. He was trying to get a minute to himself, but it was just impossible, especially on matchday. He only replied with a formal "Cool, I am fine, hope you're okay and have fun in the training camp." message and he hated himself for how indifferent he sounded. 

Jonas read Erik's message after his training session in the morning. So this was again all Erik had to say. He was tempted not to reply at all, but he always wished Erik good luck before any game so he just replied with a quick "Good luck for the game." If Erik didn't want to talk any more, he wouldn't force the issue. Marcel walked past him to the shower and noticed his downcast mood.   
"Everything okay?", Marcel asked. "You seem not your usual happy self since we are back in training."   
So Jonas wasn't good in trying to hide his mood.   
"Yeah, sure. I just didn't get to talk to Erik much lately. He's been pretty much ignoring my messages and I am wondering if it was anything particular I said." Jonas said, throwing his phone into his bag.   
Marcel sat down next to him putting an arm around him.  
"Ah don't worry, sure he's just busy over there and it won't be that much longer now until you see him again. And we are no bad company, are we?" Marcel joked, bumping against his shoulder. Jonas laughed.   
"No, of course not! Right, I let you shower then, see you tonight for the semi?" Jonas asked and Marcel nodded. 

They all watched the semi together in the evening, noone believing their eyes. Unfortunately Erik didn't play again and Jonas decided against sending him another message. The next days of the training camp passed quickly. They were back in Dortmund when the World Cup final against Brazil was played. Jonas and Marcel decided to watch it together with Marco, because they still felt bad for him and his injury. And for some reason all 3 felt a little bit sad about just being able to watch it on TV, Jonas for obvious injuries, Marco because of his injury and Marcel had ultimately missed out on going because Erik took his place, but he held no grudge against him for that. They watched the final in Jonas' apartment and he was glad for the company.

Germany won the final in extra time. When the final whistle went they all cheered, but noticed Marco wasn't quite with it. He immediately got up from the couch.   
"Hey, you don't mind if I leave now, right? It's just still all a bit much to actually watch the celebrations when I know I should have been there..." he said his voice breaking and Jonas and Marcel both gave him a hug.   
"Of course not, do you want me to come with you?" Marcel asked, but Marco shook his head. He only lived around the corner from Jonas.   
"No, thank you, I just need some time alone now, I'll head straight to bed, thanx guys." 

"I still feel so bad for him." Marcel said when they had seen Marco to the door and sat back down.   
"I know, me too." Jonas replied. "And hey, same goes for you, if you don't want to see those celebrations we can switch the TV off?"  
Marcel laughed.   
"No, I am okay really, I got over it and I am genuinly happy for everyone. Guess my situation is a bit different, because I had some weeks to deal with it and I know I am not there because Löw didn't want me, but with Marco, he knows he would have been there now without this injury," Marcel said sadly. Jonas nodded.  
"I know, it's so tragic..." they both turned back to the TV. 

They just showed a close up of Erik jumping into Matthias' arms. Jonas looked away and Marcel watched him closely.   
"What about you though, are you okay watching this?" he asked carefully.   
"Sure!" Jonas said too quickly and reached for his phone contemplating whether to text Erik or not.   
"You're wondering whether to text him?" Marcel asked.   
Obviously Jonas was too easy to read.   
"Yeah. I sent him a good luck text before the final, I always do that, and he replied with his usual "thanx" but just wondering whether to text or call him. I mean, not call him now obviously but like later." Jonas rambled on.   
"Up to you. Maybe since this is the biggest title any footballer can win you could just try calling him later," Marcel advised.   
Jonas nodded in agreement. 

He looked back at the screen and they just showed Erik waving to the crowd in between Miro Klose's twins. He looked so adorable, Jonas missed him so much in that moment, he had to blink back the tears that were welling up in his eyes.  
Marcel, who was still watching him, didn't miss that.   
"Jonas, what exactly is going on between you and Erik?" he asked carefully.   
Jonas felt caught out and quickly regained his composure. 

"Nothing, I mean it's like you said in Kirchberg, he was probably just too busy to talk to me..."  
"No, I don't mean that," Marcel interrupted. "I know you guys are very close, but you seem to have missed him more than you'd just miss your best friend?"   
Marcel had hit a nerve there. Jonas blushed. 

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said abruptly trying to get up from the couch, but Marcel held him back.   
"Look, it is none of my business and of course you don't have to talk to me about it, but I just want you to know if there's anything you do want to say, I am a good listener." Marcel insisted.   
Jonas sighed and looked down on his hands. He trusted Marcel, but he was uncertain of saying something out loud he still hadn't properly admitted to himself.   
He took a deep breath. 

"You're right. I do like him more than just a friend," he whispered. Marcel reached over and took Jonas' hand which made Jonas look up. Marcel noticed the unshed tears in Jonas' eyes.   
"Did you fall in love with him?" Marcel asked and Jonas just nodded. He still didn't dare to say it out loud, but being away from Erik had confirmed it for him even more than being with him. It was like a part of his heart was missing when Erik wasn't there. The tears were rolling down his cheeks now. Marcel gave him a hug. 

"Hey, it's okay, there is nothing wrong with that!" he said soothingly. Jonas shook his head.   
"He doesn't feel the same though. I can never tell him. I don't want to ruin our friendship." he said sadly.   
"You won't know how he feels until you tell him, Jonas. And I don't think it would change your friendship even if he didn't feel the same. You're too close for that." Marcel said, but Jonas kept shaking his head.   
"No, he can never know. You won't tell anyone, right? Promise me?" Jonas asked anxiously.   
"Of course not! This stays between us, you know I won't tell anyone. But I would still at least give Erik a call later. I think you will feel better once you did." Marcel replied. 

They watched Germany lifting the Cup and Marcel left soon after. Jonas switched the TV off after he left. He sat there on the couch with the phone in his hand once again wondering whether to make the call or not. 

 

Meanwhile in Brazil the partying had moved on to the team hotel. The hotel had its own club and most players were getting drunk already. Erik only had one beer so far, he still remembered his last hangover too clearly and despite being over the moon about being World Champions, there was something missing. Or rather someone. Erik had checked his phone right away when he had the chance after the game, he got so many congratulation messages, but not from Jonas. Jonas was usually the first to text him after any game, but Erik didn't blame him. He had totally shut himself off during the last weeks and in the end all for nothing. He wanted to talk to Jonas again after he had actually played, but that never happened and he felt a bit weird reading all the Congratulation messages when he hadn't done anything really. Even though everyone always praised the team spirit and said how important the sub players were too, he still didn't really feel like a World Champion. He excused himself from the party early. Matthias tried to get him to stay, but he simply finally wanted to talk to Jonas and now was the only time he'd actually be alone in the room he shared with Mats. They would all continue to party on until the early hours. 

Erik lay down on the bed in the hotel room and pressed the "call" button next to Jonas' name. It was late in Germany and he hoped that he was still awake. 

As Jonas stared at his phone pondering whether to call Erik or not, it started to vibrate with Erik's photo flashing up on the screen. He was so surprised he nearly dropped it, but eventually managed to answer.   
"Hello?" Jonas replied even though he knew it was Erik. It was stupid how nervous he was about talking to him.   
"Hey..."Erik said on the other line. There was silence for a few seconds with neither of them knowing how to start.   
"Sorry, that I didn't text you yet! I wanted to wait to call you, because a text didn't feel right, so congratulations!! It's really amazing, I am so happy for you, can't believe you're actually a World Champion! Glad you're still talking to me," Jonas joked to try and make up for the awkward silence.   
Erik laughed.   
"Of course I am! Thank you! I know, I can't believe it myself even though it's not like I really did anything.."he conceded and Jonas could hear a hint of sadness in Erik's voice.   
"Ah, don't be silly. You deserve it just as much as the others! Remember how you always said that to me when I was only on the bench? That goes the same for you now and who would have thought at the start of the season that one of us would be in Brazil for the World Cup? This is huge, Erik even when you didn't play, just making it into this squad is brilliant. And noone can ever take this title and all those moments away from you" Jonas said encouragingly.   
He waited for Erik to reply, but couldn't hear anything for a while, just Erik's breathing and what he thought sounded like crying.   
"Erik? You're not crying, are you? Is everything, okay?" Jonas asked softly. 

Erik was trying to pull himself together at the other end. He hadn't called Jonas for ages and shut him out and he was still being so supportive. And how stupid was he anyways to think Jonas wouldn't have been proud of him. 

"Yes, I am fine. I am so sorry, Jonas..." Erik whispered, unable to say any more.   
"What are you sorry aboout?" Jonas asked surprised.   
"For not being in touch more. For only writing you those stupid short formal messages, for not calling you before today..." Erik's voice broke.  
"Aww don't worry about it. I know how busy you were and you're nearly back now. We got all the time in the world to talk then." Jonas said soothingly. 

Jonas being so understanding made it even worse for Erik. He knew how hard it was for Jonas at the end of the season and how hard it must have been to be at home watching him and Matthias when they all used to be on the same Germany team before, he felt so selfish. 

"Erik, are you still there? Talk to me..."   
"I am, you're right, let's talk when I'm back.." Erik was still struggling to talk.  
"Okay, if you're sure, hey enjoy the rest of the night, go back to the party" Jonas replied.  
"Yeah, maybe, okay, speak to you soon then.."  
"Don't make it as long as this time," Jonas joked, trying to cheer Erik up.   
"I won't. And Jonas?"  
"Yes?"  
"I can't wait to see you..."Erik said softly.   
It made Jonas smile hearing Erik say those words after being worried for weeks that he wasn't even missing him.  
"I can't wait to see you either, Erik." Jonas replied and hung up the phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To celebrate Erik's return to team training (finally!) and the first Durmann moment on the training pitch in god knows how long I had to update today!! Hopefully this is the start of better days to come for both of them! Hope you liked it :)


	19. Chapter 19

Erik and the Germany team flew back to Berlin the day after. There were more celebrations planned and after celebrating by the Brandenburg gate it was finally time to go home for Erik. He was looking forward to see his parents and to escape the madness of the last couple of weeks, but he already couldn't wait to train with Dortmund again. To finally see Jonas, but he still had to wait another three weeks because that's the minimum time off the national team players got. He enjoyed being at home at first, but was counting down the days until he was allowed to join up with the team in Bad Ragaz. 

Jonas and the rest of the team made their way over to Bad Ragaz on a Tuesday. Jonas had a room to himself again, but this time he didn't mind because he would eventually share it with Erik when he joined up with the team at the start of next week. He was also secretly pleased that the team hotel only had double beds. He couldn't wait to share a bed with Erik again. The time until Monday passed in no time and Erik along with Kevin were supposed to arrive at around lunchtime. After the training session in the morning he was riding alongside Matthias, who had already arrived on Friday, and Marcel back to the team hotel. After they dropped off their bikes Alex, BVB's club photograph, caught up with them and asked Matthias to come with him to take some photos of him and Erik when he arrived. Jonas sighed, of course they would want Matthias to be photographed with Erik, he had just been hoping he could see him right away when he arrived. 

Marcel gave him a little push. "Go after them, it's not like you can't say hi to Erik after they are done with the photos."   
Shaking his head Jonas walked to the hotel. "No, I don't want to be in the way."  
Marcel pulled him back again. "Oh, don't be silly, you've been waiting for this for weeks and I am sure so has Erik, go!" he said more forcefully and Jonas reluctantly followed Matthias and the photograph, keeping some distance between them. 

When he walked around the corner to the front of the hotel he could see a car arrive and watched as Erik and Kevin climbed out of the car. Matthias was there to greet him and they gave eachother an affectionate hug. Jonas had stayed back and was leaning against a tree. His heart beat faster straight away, it was so long since he had seen Erik and he looked so good. He was all tanned and had a big smile on his face. Boris Rupert from BVBTotal had also joined them and did a short interview with him and Matthias, he was starting to feel a bit stupid just watching them, he wanted nothing more than going to Erik, but they were obviously busy. He started to turn around. 

 

When Erik climbed out of the car he was happy to see Matthias, but a bit disappointed when he couldn't see Jonas anywhere. He had pictured seeing him again all through the journey to Switzerland and he didn't want to wait any longer. He had to hide his annoyance when they even wanted to do a BVB Total interview with him right away. When Boris Rupert had asked the last question, he finally noticed Jonas in the distance just as he was turning away.   
"Sorry, are we done here for now?" Erik asked impatiently and didn't really wait for an answer from anyone and ran across the grass towards Jonas.  
"Jonas!" he called and hearing his name made Jonas turn around.   
"You were not going to leave without saying hi to me, right?" Erik teased when he reached Jonas and threw his arms around him. 

Jonas nearly lost his balance from the force of Erik''s embrace. He leaned into him, wrapped his arms around him, burying his head into his neck and breathing in his familiar smell. Jonas had dreamt aobut this moment for weeks, but nothing could beat it actually happening, it felt so good. They stood there like that for what felt like an eternity, even thought it was less than a minute. 

Jonas drew back slowly and Erik gave him a huge smile.   
"It is so good to see you again." Erik beamed, now casually wrapping his arm around Jonas' shoulder as they walked to the front of the hotel so Erik could get his luggage.   
"And you. You look great. The tan suits you!" Jonas replied and Erik laughed.   
"You don't know how many sunburns I had. Are we sharing a room?" Erik asked eagerly with hope on his face.   
"We are." Jonas smiled at Erik's enthusiasm when he said that "I'll help you with your luggage." 

They made their way to the room. Erik got dragged away for more interviews straight away and also for the fitness test the players always had to complete at the start of the season. Meanwhile Jonas had to go to the afternoon training session. After finally being reunited with Erik it felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulder and everything seemed to be more easy in training. The goal chances he missed yesterday all went in today and he set up 3 goals in the little training match they played. This didn't go unnoticed by Klopp either. When the training was finished he walked over to him.

"Great job today, Hoffi. Not sure what has gotten into you today, but keep it up," Klopp praised, giving Jonas a pat on the back and Jonas felt like his hard work was finally paying off. His mood could have not been any better. 

They all had dinner together and Jonas sat in between Erik and Matthias as they talked about all their experiences in Brazil making everyone laugh. After dinner most of the team planned to do a Fifa tournament.   
"You coming?" Matthias asked, looking at Erik.   
"No, I am good thanx, I am a bit tired today, I'll give it a pass." Erik said, turning to walk into the other direction to the lifts.   
"You, Jonas?" Matthias tried. Jonas looked over to where Erik was standing and he only needed to look in his eyes to know the answer.   
"No, sorry, same for me. It's been two tough training sessions today," he replied, following Erik to the lift.   
"You'll have to do with me." Marcel said in the background. Jonas turned around and saw Marcel giving him a quick wink. He smiled back at him gratefully, he didn't want to be rude to Matthias. 

When they made it back to their room Erik plopped down on the bed right away. He did look tired.   
Lying down next to him, Jonas said: "We can have an early night if you want to."

Erik rolled onto his side facing Jonas. "Nooo! I am not that tired, I only made that excuse up, because I finally wanted to properly catch up with you alone alone" he admitted.   
Jonas watched as Erik got up again to take off his shirt. "God, it's hot in this room, let me guess, you didn't put on the air conditioning again?" Erik complained, throwing his shirt on the floor. Jonas couldn't help but admire Erik's body, it looked even more perfect all tanned. He imagined what it would be like running his fingers over his abs.   
"Jonas?" Erik was waving his hands in front of his face. "I was only joking"   
Jonas realized he must have been staring. He quickly took off his shirt too and put the covers over him despite not feeling cold at all. More the opposite, his body felt on fire.   
"You know what I'm like with them, not a fan," Jonas replied to Erik's earlier question trying to take his mind off Erik's body. Erik made no attempt to go under the covers either. 

"To get back to the night of the final. Did you ever return to the party?" Jonas asked carefully, he didn't want to dampen the mood, but he still felt like there were things left unsaid between them.   
Erik's smile faded after the question.   
"Uhmm no, I didn't, there was enough partying going on after," he said non-chalantly.   
"Okay." 

Erik looked over to Jonas. He knew he wouldn't press for any more info, but he also knew that he still owed him a proper apology. He cleared his throat.   
"I know I said it on the phone that night, but I am truly sorry for hardly being in touch, Jonas."   
Jonas turned to him and smiled. "I know, no need to apologise again, I know you were busy."   
"I was, but it wasn't that. I felt kind of ashamed for not getting any time on the pitch at all..."  
Jonas looked at him surprised. "What? That was not the reason why you didn't reply to most of my messages, right?"   
Erik just nodded.   
He could see how Jonas' expression turned from surprise to hurt.   
"What made you think you couldn't share your feelings with me?"  
Erik reached for his hand.   
"It wasn't like that. It's hard to explain. I...I just wanted you to be proud of me." 

Jonas couldn't quite believe what Erik was trying to say. He felt hurt at first, but when he saw the sadness in Erik's eyes he quickly opened his arm and Erik moved over and cuddled into his shoulder. Jonas gently stroked his hair.   
"I am always proud of you, you know that, Erik." Jonas said softly. He thought back to all those photos and videos he watched of Erik and how he looked so happy and confident, even he didn't notice any insecurity at all in any of them. 

"I know..." Erik mumbled into his chest. He slowly looked up to meet Jonas' eyes. "I didn't want to let you down."   
Erik's eyes would melt anyone's heart, he looked more vulnerable than Jonas had seen him for a long time.   
"Oh Erik..." Jonas whispered and held him closer. "You never let me down. When you stopped replying to my messages, I thought you didn't miss me." Jonas admitted.  
Erik looked up quickly.   
"Of course I missed you! There wasn't a day where I didn't." 

"I know that now, but when you were gone I was looking at all the videos of you and Matthias, all the things you did together, I was glad you looked so happy of course, but when you stopped talking to me I felt like he easily replaced me..." Jonas confessed, looking vulnerable himself now.   
Erik reached his hands up to Jonas' face and gently pressed his head against his.   
"Noone could ever replace you," he said sincerely.   
Jonas could only gaze into his eyes. Erik's lips were so close to his and he wanted to kiss him so badly in that moment. It was like time was standing still. 

Erik noticed the tension too. Somehow he couldn't get himself to break the eye contact. There were so many thoughts in his head at the moment and yet he couldn't speak, it was the strangest feeling. He was lost in Jonas' eyes. 

Eventually, Jonas drew back a little and smiled, "Let's just not let it get this far again. We were both miserable, because we didn't talk about our feelings, promise you tell me what's on your mind from now on?"   
"Promised. And I am sorry I made you feel this way," Erik said, apologising again.   
Jonas rolled on his back again, looking at the ceiling. 

"It's okay, you don't have to keep saying it. It was just tough being back here when we usually played together for Germany. I felt left out, but that's not your fault."   
Erik dropped his head back on his shoulder and wrapped his arm around him. 

"I know, but it's a new season now and if you play like you did last season, Löw won't be able to look past you much longer."   
"I need Klopp to not look past me first, but I do feel confident about this season and training this afternoon went so well!" 

Jonas went into details about today's training session and after a while noticed how Erik's eyelids became heavier and he eventually fell asleep in his arms. His body felt so warm against his, Jonas had missed this feeling so much. Erik always looked so peaceful when he was sleeping, he could just lie there forever watching him sleep. He couldn't help himself and planted a small kiss on Erik's forehead and then closed his eyes to go to sleep too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since there was some Durmann moment again today with Jonas' photo (love) story moment when he saw Erik's photo I thought I'd update! Reunion chapter :)


	20. Chapter 20

Jonas and Erik both couldn't stop smiling during breakfast the next morning, what did not go unnoticed by Marcel and Matthias. 

When they rode their bikes to the morning training session, Erik was riding next to Matthias with Jonas and Marcel a bit further behind them.

"So...everything good between you two again then clearly?" Marcel grinned at Jonas. 

"Yep. We had a long overdue talk and we are good." Jonas replied happily, looking at Erik riding in front of him, who just then turned around and gave him a little wave. 

"Did you tell him?" Marcel couldn't help but ask. 

"Shush, no of course not! I won't ever tell him or anyone else and you promised me you keep it to yourself, Marcel," Jonas panicked a bit, because he was worried Erik might have heard what Marcel had asked.

"Okay and of course I won't, I was just wondering because you both look so happy..." 

"We are just happy to be with each other again. As best friends. Nothing more." Jonas added pointedly. 

Erik kept looking back at Jonas and Marcel. They looked deep in conversation and Jonas looked annoyed about something. 

"Erik?! Are you even listening?" Matthias asked impatiently. 

Erik focused his attention back to him. "Sorry, what did you say?" 

"I was saying you look very happy this morning!" 

Erik smiled at that. "Oh yes, I am. It's great to finally catch up with Jonas." 

"I am glad you did. You talked about him often enough," Matthias teased. 

"Sorry if I bored you!" Erik said apologetically. 

"Don't be silly, I'm glad to see you properly happy again!" Matthias replied as they got off the bikes. 

Jonas and Marcel arrived shortly after and Jonas got off his bike next to Erik. 

"Did you and Marcel just argue about something?" Erik asked curiously as they walked through the weight room out on the training pitch. 

"No, we didn't at all, everything's fine," Jonas said quickly. 

A little too quickly for Erik and he noticed how Jonas avoided looking at him while he replied, but he didn't want to push him. Not after they just had that long talk yesterday where they promised each other to talk about their feelings. If something was bothering Jonas, he would tell him. 

They were paired in the same training group during warm-up. Jonas loved those circle warm-up games, even though he always ended up inside the circle way too often, it still made him laugh. Erik kept teasing him during the game and pushed him inside every time he made a mistake, making him giggle even more. 

After the warm-up everyone was divided in two teams with Erik and Jonas being on the same team. They hadn't played together since their win in Munich, but they had their chemistry back on the pitch just as fast as their chemistry off the pitch. Erik was playing right back in the training game today, so they were on the same sides and it didn't take long until Erik set up a goal for Jonas. It was only a training game but they still high-fived and smiled at each other. 

Marcel and Matthias watched them from the sideline, they were subs for the moment. 

"Their connection on the pitch is really amazing", Matthias said as they just passed the ball quickly back and forth to each other again.

"I know! You can tell being such good friends helps them on the pitch too," Marcel agreed. 

"Erik wouldn't stop talking about Jonas in Brazil, it didn't look like it on the photos and videos, but he really missed him." 

Marcel took his eyes off the game and looked at Matthias with interest. 

"Really? You're right, it didn't look like it and I think Jonas didn't think he was, either." 

"Oh, he was. He did a good job hiding it. They are really very, very close aren't they? I had only seen them together at the U21s before, but I hadn't realized just how close they were until this summer," Matthias said thoughtfully. 

"They are..." Marcel agreed. He was glad when it was their time to play before Matthias could ask any more questions about Erik and Jonas.

After the training session Klopp nodded approvingly at Jonas and Erik when they left the training ground. They were both exhausted, but happy. 

Erik gave Jonas a little nudge. "Did you see that nod just then? I told you he will totally see your talent this season."

Jonas gave him a beaming smile. "I really hope so. I didn't have this much fun in training for ages!" 

"I know, me neither! Hey, since it's our free afternoon today, do you want to try out the hotel spa?" 

Jonas blushed when Erik asked that because he had a flashback to last night and Erik shirtless right away. His cheeks were still flushed from training so he hoped Erik didn't notice.

"Sure, sounds great, funny we come here every year, but never went there yet!" Jonas got on his bike and after stopping for a few autographs along the way they eventually made it back to the team hotel for lunch. 

***

Jonas loved whirlpools! Just what he needed after all the exhausting training sessions during the last couple of days. It was so blissfully relaxing he could feel his eyelids getting heavy...  
"Jonassss!" 

Yeah, until Erik practically shouted into his ear.

"What?" he asked, slightly annoyed. 

"Can we try the lazy river circle now??" Erik looked at him eagerly like a little kid and he had to laugh. 

"You said you wanted to come here to relax, Erik..." 

Erik got up and pulled at Jonas' arm. "Of course, that's why it's called LAZY river! We can still relax in there! Come onnn, pleaseeee?" 

Erik gave him puppy dog eyes now and Jonas knew this argument was lost. He let Erik drag him out of the whirlpool and into the lazy river circle. Luckily for them they had the pool area all to themselves, only hotel guests were allowed to use it and the hotel was very expensive and mostly only used by football teams around this time of the month. 

The water in the "lazy river" circle was actually moving along quite fast and in the end there was nothing lazy about it, but Jonas didn't mind. They kept swimming along with the stream and they went so fast they kept bumping into each other. Erik tried to hold onto Jonas at some point which ended up with them both under water several times. Erik eventually swam out of the circle again first to catch his breath. Jonas followed him, jumping on his back and wrapping his arms and legs around him. 

"So, what now? Thought you desperately wanted to go in there? He teased, as Erik tried to shake him off his back. 

"Yeah, okay, maybe it all went a bit faster than I thought," Erik admitted, still out of breath. "Get off meee."

Jonas still clung on to him. "Nope, you interrupted my relaxing whirlpool time, you can carry me around to make up for that now." Erik laughed and quickly moved backwards and dropped them both under water again. Jonas splashed water into his face when they both came up for air again. He noticed an elderly couple at the other end of the pool. 

"Okay, we are not alone anymore, now behave..."Jonas said, pretending to sound stern.

Erik casually put his arm around Jonas' shoulder at the side of the pool. "You love me reallyyy..." he teased giving Jonas his most adorable smile. 

Jonas froze for a few seconds. but not long enough for Erik to notice. He knew how Erik meant it, but if only Erik knew that he loved him in more than just one way. 

Jonas quickly recovered and smiled back at him. "Right, we better get out of here if we want to make it back in time for dinner!" 

"Always so responsible...", Erik teased and begrudgingly followed Jonas out of the pool.

"One of us has to be", Jonas looked back to him and winked. 

Thanks to Jonas they made it back in time for dinner and afterwards basically fell into their bed.   
"The spa was supposed to be relaxing and you made us even more tired than before!" Jonas complained, rolling onto his side of the bed. 

"You sound like we are about 40 years old.." Erik laughed and lay down next to him but couldn't help yawning himself. 

"Don't pretend you're not tired, now we'll be off to sleep before it's even dark outside. Now THAT'S like 40 year olds." 

He reached over to the side of the bed, switched the lights off and stayed like that lying with his back to Erik. 

Erik almost instinctively edged closer to him and wrapped his arm around Jonas, burying his head into his neck. 

"You enjoyed it reallyyy plus we have an early training tomorrow anyways so you'll thank me in the morning for going to sleep now already." 

Jonas smiled at that and also loved the feeling of Erik cuddling into him again. He eased his body towards him and entwined their hands. 

"We'll see. Good night, Erik!" 

"Good night, Jonas!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was feeling sad about the lack of Durmann right now and especially Jonas' situation so I needed something happy here at least, so this is quite fluffy, hope you still like it :)


	21. Chapter 21

Two days later the team travelled back to Dortmund. Jonas was a bit sad that the training camp was over already, because he easily got used to falling asleep next to Erik every night. He lay awake for some time the first night after getting back to Dortmund when he was back alone in his own bed wondering if Erik was missing it too. 

On the Saturday after they returned it was season opening day. Jonas was always looking forward to those, because it meant the new season was getting really close now. He had high hopes for it, after the disappointing end to the last one and he felt that the preparation had gone really well for him so far, especially since Erik was back. He waved to the fans when his name was called out during the player presentation. 

Usually Erik and him always walked out after each other, but this time the World Champions got a special presentation at the end. It still hurt him a little knowing he could have easily been amongst them, if only he had played more. Matthias interrupted his thoughts asking him to take a photo of him and Erik he could post on his Instagram page. Jonas smiled brightly, maybe too brightly, and took the photo and then went over to sit next to Sebastian on the other end of the seats. 

He noticed Erik raised an eyebrow and him mouthing an "Are you okay?" to him as he stood up and Jonas gave him a reassuring smile, or tried to anyways. 

"Everything okay, Jonas?" Sebastian asked when Jonas said next to him. Usually you couldn't separate Erik and him so he felt compelled to ask.

"Sure! Just thought I'd catch up with you a little." 

Sebastian had been captain and friend for Jonas too long to not notice something was bothering him and he could imagine what. Jonas stared over at Erik and Matthias laughing about something and leaning over Matthias' phone, probably posting the photo he just took. Sebastian followed his gaze. 

"I know it hurts to feel left out. You know how my international career with Germany never really kick-started and when I was younger I felt exactly like I think you do now, but the difference is you are still young and there's still plenty of Euros or World Cups for you to be involved in and win. Just forget about last season and concentrate on this new one, it's never good to dwell on the past. Trust me, I know this better than anyone," Sebastian advised and gave Jonas a comforting pat on the shoulder. 

Jonas smiled. "Am I that easy to read?" 

"Sure no one else noticed, don't worry. I just want to make sure everyone is in good spirits for the new season. Even if I'm not your captain anymore, I'm still your friend and you can always come to me with anything, okay?" 

"Thank you, I really appreciate that! And I am 100 % focused on this season! Can't wait for it start!" Jonas said gratefully, his usual happy smile back on his face now. 

"Good! We can kick-start it by beating Bayern next week then!" 

"Hell yes!" 

They both laughed and got up to kick some balls into the fans. 

"Were you really okay earlier?" Erik asked after they returned home later that night. 

"Yes, don't worry." Jonas walked into his room and Erik followed him plopping down on Jonas' bed giving him a scrutinizing look. It reminded Jonas of their promise to each other to always talk about their feelings. 

Jonas sat down next to him. "Okay, fine, I wasn't completely. It just all reminded me a bit of last season again and how I wasn't with you in Brazil. I just never want you to feel like I am not totally thrilled you won that World Cup, because I am, but I still can't shake of this "What could have been" feeling sometimes and I don't want to bother you with that when you're just enjoying your moment." 

Jonas avoided looking at Erik while he said that and played with his hands. Erik moved closer to him and gently took both of Jonas' hands in his, making him look up. 

"You never bother me, you know that, Jonas! And when you feel sad you can always tell me no matter in what situation, we talked about that!"

Erik looked at him so earnestly Jonas just felt like melting in his eyes again. His eyes wondered down to his lips and not for the first time he imagined what it would be like to kiss them, they were so beautiful... 

"You know that, right??" Erik asked for confirmation, bringing Jonas back to reality. He smiled at him softly.

"I know... And I am really looking forward to this season!" 

"See, that is more like it! Me too! We will totally rock together this season." Erik said excitedly pulling Jonas up from the bed. "Fifa??" 

It was more a statement than a question, but Jonas shook his head. 

"I gotta pack for Liverpool and I better have an early night with the flight at 6 am tomorrow." 

"Ah, yes! It is totally not fair I can't go! I think I did enough training. I want to play at Anfield!"

Jonas laughed. "You realize that you just sounded like a kid who can't have chocolate then, right?" 

Erik threw a pillow at him. "Whatever! I'll let you pack and sleep then. Score for me tomorrow at least while I watch here all by myself!" 

"I'll try my best." Jonas winked and Erik left for his room. 

Jonas didn't score, nor did any other BVB player. Jonas had been really looking forward to see Anfield and he loved the stadium, but the friendly itself was just dreadful. He came on in the second half, when the game was already over. It seemed like everyone was tired from the flight, even when it was just a one hour flight. They lost the match 0-4 and left Liverpool again right after the match. 

Erik jumped up from the sofa when Jonas put his key in the door later that night. 

"You're back!" he shouted happily and despite the awful day it made Jonas laugh. 

"You sound like I've been away for months," Jonas teased. 

"24 hours without you here feel like months," Erik said dramatically and Jonas rolled his eyes. 

"But seriously, sorry about the game, shame it was already done by the time you came on," Erik said, giving Jonas a quick hug before he sat down. 

"Thanks, just one of those days. Let's hope we do better on Wednesday!" 

"We will if I get to play," Erik said jokingly and made Jonas laugh again. 

"I knew that World Cup win would get to your head. Do we have any food? I am starving!" 

"Yes, I put pizza in the oven earlier. See, I feed you on and off the pitch." 

Erik ruffled through Jonas' hair as he got up to get the pizza. 

"Seriously your mood is way too good considering we lost 4-0 today. But thank you." 

"Just happy you're back, it's so quiet here without you!" Erik put the pizza on the table in front of Jonas. 

Jonas was touched how much Erik had missed him even though he was only gone for 24 hours. When he was upset about the result on the way home, Erik had turned his mood around completely in just 5 minutes. He always had the ability to do that. 

On impulse, he leaned over and gave Erik a quick kiss on the cheek. When he pulled back he saw Erik blush. 

"What was that for?" Erik asked, surprised. 

"That was simply for you being you," Jonas said softy. Erik beamed at him and Jonas blushed himself now and quickly turned all his attention on eating his pizza. 

 

Erik lifted up his hand and touched his cheek where Jonas kissed him. It wasn't anything unusual in their friendship, like when he had kissed Jonas' neck after he scored in Munich, but today the little touch had sent a shiver down his spine. And so did the words Jonas said after. It probably felt different, because of the long time they spent apart last month, he argued in his mind and with that moved closer to Jonas to steal a piece of his pizza. Jonas playfully slapped his hand away first, but then shared his pizza with him and for the rest of the night they busied themselves trying to beat each other on FIFA.


	22. Chapter 22

The next two days flew by and it was matchday again. Jonas loved matches against Bayern, especially since he scored in the last one and the day held such special memories for him now. He was delighted when Klopp announced that he would start in this match too. The atmosphere in the dressing room was more cheerful than anything else. Usually the moments before the game were very tense, but everyone seemed to have a good feeling about this game. 

Jonas was just tying his shoelaces when Erik sat down next to him.   
"Good luck! Try to do it like last time, although that will obviously be harder now without me on the pitch," Erik joked, giving Jonas a big smile. 

Erik was starting the game on the bench this time.  
"Thanks, I'll try, and hopefully you'll come on in the second half to improve my chances of scoring." 

They both laughed. 

Dortmund were in control from the first minute once the game started and Miki scored the opening goal in the 23rd minute already. Jonas was the first to celebrate with him. The rest of the half went smoothly and Bayern never really looked like scoring. Jonas was happy when Klopp announced Erik would come on for the second half. When he did, it felt like back in Munich or back in the U21s because Matthias was with them too now. The 3 of them had always played well together and still linked up nicely on the pitch. Auba scored the 2nd goal in the 62nd minute. Everyone laughed when he pulled out a Spiderman mask to celebrate. Jonas had missed this carefree feeling of being on the pitch. 

Jonas, Erik and Matthias all stood together after the match when Dortmund received the Supercup trophy, they took turns in lifting it up and when Jonas watched Matthias lift it he felt Erik's hands gently massaging his shoulders. He turned around and their eyes met. Erik was smiling at him happily and there was no need for words, Jonas finally felt like he belonged again and they could share the success of winning this trophy together. 

The 3 of them went to Alex later that night to celebrate the win. When they all had a drink Matthias raised his glass first. 

"To the Supercup win and us finally playing together again." he said and they all toasted to that. 

"Seriously, it was really fun. I can't remember when we last all played together, it must have been way back with the U21s" Erik agreed. 

"I loved it too and it is always twice as fun when we beat Bayern," Jonas added and they all 3 smiled at each other. 

"We really missed you in Brazil, Jonas. It wasn't the same without you and I am so glad Freiburg agreed to let me join Dortmund this season. It's almost all too good to be true." Matthias said. 

"I wish I would have been there too, but yes, that's all behind us now and I can't wait for us to link up like today in the Bundesliga, to many more games like this." Jonas replied and they drank to that again. 

Jonas didn't feel as happy as on that night for a long time. 

Dortmund's next game was the DFB Cup first round game against Stuttgarter Kickers. Erik and Matthias both started the game, but Jonas was only on the bench. He was still happy from the Super Cup win, so he didn't mind too much this time. He was hoping he'd come on later in the game, but unfortunately he didn't. Dortmund won the game easily and he still went over to celebrate with the fans after the game. 

Dortmund's first Bundesliga match was a home game against Leverkusen. After not playing at all in the Cup game, Jonas' hopes were not too high to start that game and he didn't. Erik and Matthias both started the match and it could have literally not gone any worse, because Leverkusen took the lead after only 9 seconds. Jonas bit his lip on the bench, he hated only being able to watch. There was no guarantee that he could improve the game of course, but at least he could try. 

The match didn't improve much and BVB continued to struggle to break Leverkusen down. Jonas finally came on in the 75th minute and even though they were only 1-0 down, they just couldn't score on that day. Kießling ended up making it 2-0 for Leverkusen in injury time. 

This was not how any of them had imagined their season to start. Jonas and Erik were pretty quiet on the drive home from the stadium. It always sucked to lose the first game of the season. 

"Maybe this season will be like 2011 when we lost the opening game to Leverkusen?" Jonas suggested, trying to cheer them both up.

Erik gave him a small smile. 

"We'll see. I just hate losing, especially through such an early goal there too, that was so unnecessary!"

Jonas put his hand over Erik's. 

"I know, but these things happen. We'll do better next week." 

Little did Jonas know that next week things would change for them forever.


	23. Chapter 23

It was Thursday the week after when rumours about a Shinji Kagawa return to Dortmund first started. Jonas and Erik were just having breakfast when they read about it in the newspaper. 

"So, how would you feel about Shinji returning?" Erik asked carefully. He knew that this would mean even more competition for Jonas in attacking midfield. 

"I would be very happy of course! I mean, I know where you're going asking it, because yes, one more excellent player to compete with, but you know what I'm like, I won't shy away from competition and he was brilliant for us 2 years ago, I'd love to play with him!" Jonas replied honestly. 

"Okay, I'm glad! Wonder if this will actually happen." 

"Yeah, you never know, could just be the usual deadline day craziness. I am glad that we always only watch that rather than be involved in it." Jonas said and Erik nodded in agreement. 

They were due to fly to Augsburg in the late evening and still had the final training before the match in Dortmund. Jonas and Erik were just about to leave the training ground to pack for Augsburg, when Jürgen Klopp stopped Jonas on the way out. 

"Jonas, do you have a few minutes?" he asked and Jonas followed him into his office. Erik told him he'd wait for him outside until he was done. 

Jonas had absolutely no idea what this talk could be about so he sat down in front of Klopp curiously. 

One look into his eyes before Klopp started talking made Jonas realize right away that this wasn't going to be anything good. He started to feel slightly nervous. 

Klopp looked pretty uneasy himself, considering he was usually always in a good mood, he cleared his throat. 

"There is never an easy way to start a talk like this, so I am going to get right to the point, Jonas. I am sure you heard about the club considering to re-sign Shinji?" Klopp asked and Jonas just nodded. 

He was starting to feel sick. He had also not missed Klopp addressing him by his first name, he never called him Jonas, it was always "Hoffi"...

"Okay. The truth is, negotiations are very advanced and there's only a few details left to be sorted out so this transfer will definitely happen..." 

"I know where this could be going and that it won't make it any easier for me to get game time, but I am totally ready to fight for my place and look forward to playing with him." Jonas interrupted, because he needed to say something. He was too afraid what would come next. 

Klopp gave him a small smile. 

"I know and I always appreciated you for this attitude." 

Jonas tried hard to ignore the past tense in that sentence. 

"You know how much I like you, Jonas. I know you have not been happy towards the end of last season, because you didn't get as much time on the pitch as you had hoped for and with this transfer now it would obviously get even less. You also know how Mainz were interested in you last summer, but I said no. They are interested again now, as are other clubs, but from my own experience I wouldn't recommend anyone else but Mainz. Where I am going is that we ask you to think about a possible loan move to Mainz. This does not mean we don't believe in you or your talent, quite the opposite, even though I know it won't feel like that to you right now. It would only be for a year and Mainz would get no buy option either, we are still planning with you here and I personally still believe you will play a big part in this club's future." 

Jonas could hardly believe what he was hearing. He tried to listen, but the words seemed to float away and it felt like the room was starting to spin. This could not be happening. One week ago he did a long interview with a newspaper talking about how he'd never contemplate going on loan and was ready to fight for his place and now they were asking him to leave? 4 days before deadline day? After a what he thought was a successful preparation? 

"Jonas?" Klopp looked at him concerned and Jonas tried to focus on looking at him. He was lost for words. 

"Look, I know this is a lot to take in and I am truly sorry for suggesting this so close to deadline day. Of course, this is ultimately your decision and we won't force you to take up this loan offer, but I can only advise you to do it. This transfer will make it almost impossible for me to give you the game time you deserve. I realise this really doesn't leave you with much time now, but think about it carefully. I can assure you now already that I will definitely want you back next season. We'll need your decision by Sunday, we have arranged for you to fly right to Mainz from Augsburg on Saturday morning, if you would like to listen to what they have to offer." 

Jonas couldn't say anything. He just nodded and left the room. He went straight to the nearest bathroom and couldn't stop the tears from falling. Klopp said it was his decision, but at the same time they had already booked him on a flight to Mainz? Without even waiting for his reaction. He thought back to this morning when they joked about only watching the transfer deadline day madness, it made him cry even harder. He had never felt so surreal in his life. He remembered that Erik was waiting for him outside and he tried to get himself together. He couldn't tell Erik, not yet. How could he possibly tell him something he could find no words for himself. 

He waited a few more minutes, splashed cold water into his face and tried to look as normal as possible when he went outside to Erik, who was waiting in the car. 

"Hey, what was that all about?" Erik asked, looking at him curiously. 

"Oh, it was nothing. He just wanted to talk to me about the final training." Jonas smiled and Erik could tell something was off. He smiled, but his smile didn't reach his eyes and Erik noticed they were red. 

"Did you cry?", he asked worriedly, reaching out to hold Jonas' hand. 

Jonas pulled his hand away instinctivly. He would completely break down right there and then if he told Erik now. 

"Of course not. It was really nothing important. Can we just go home now?" Jonas said more sharply than he intended. 

He looked outside of the window so Erik couldn't see the fresh tears that were threatening to spill out of his eyes. He also missed the hurt look in Erik's eyes. 

Erik knew something wasn't right, but he also knew better than to push Jonas. He would tell him when he was ready, so he went along with it. They quietly packed their things for Augsburg and left for the airport soon after. Kevin took one of his daily selfies on the plane and Jonas smiled brightly for the camera. Too brightly. Maybe the others didn't notice, but Erik knew Jonas wasn't himself. He sat next to him on the plane and watched his every movement, how he nervously played with his hands or kept moving his legs around in the seat in front of him. Jonas was usually so calm and it was starting to really worry Erik. 

They shared a room in Augsburg on the night, Erik wasn't sure why, because unless it was the training camp or that one game vs. Bayern Klopp always did a draw for the rooms. When he told them they could choose again, Erik felt like he looked at Jonas longer than the others. Maybe it was his imagination. Jonas never returned his look, he just took his luggage and Erik automatically followed him. There was no question they'd share a room. 

They arrived in Augsburg pretty late and Jonas went to shower right away. Erik waited patiently for him to return and when he did he just lay down on the bed, turning his back to him. 

"Can we talk?" Erik asked tentativly. Jonas pretty much hadn't said a word since their earlier conversation in the car. 

"I'm pretty tired. Can we just sleep?" Jonas replied without turning around. 

Erik sighed and got up to shower himself. When he came back Jonas was still lying there like that, all curled up on his side. He had no idea what was going on, but he had to respect that Jonas didn't want to talk, even though that proved to be so hard.  
Erik switched the light off and lay down next to him, he gently put his arm around Jonas. The simple touch made Jonas shiver. Knowing Erik couldn't see his eyes in the darkness, he turned around. 

"I'm sorry, I just can't talk right now. We will tomorrow, I promise..." 

So Erik was right, there was something. It was starting to scare him.

"Can you just hold me?", Jonas whispered and Erik wrapped his arms around him more closely. He could feel his shirt getting wet from Jonas' tears. He gently pressed a kiss on Jonas' forehead and couldn't stop his own tears from falling. Something was very wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately I had to get to the loan bit! It is still totally painful to think back to this - although I am not sure whether it was more painful than what is happening now seeing him fit, but not getting played :( - but either way I enjoyed writing their emotions, hope you enjoy reading it despite the mood change!


	24. Chapter 24

They both didn't sleep well that night. There was too much on his mind for Jonas to go to sleep. He just clung on to Erik and kept replaying the conversation with Klopp over and over in his head. He was asking him to leave Dortmund behind. To leave Erik behind. For a whole year. Whenever he actually pictured playing for another club and being away from Erik he cried some more. Erik didn't ask any more questions. He simply did what he had asked and held him, continuing to stroke his hair and kiss his head. He didn't say anything like how it would all be okay and Jonas was glad about that, it wasn't going to be okay, not if he agreed on the loan. 

Jonas felt totally drained the next morning and when they both got up he noticed Erik was looking as tired as he felt. 

"I'm sorry for keeping you awake.." Jonas apologised, brushing his hand against Erik's arm. 

"Don't worry. Not enough sleep is the least of my worries right now," Erik said honestly and Jonas had to turn away again. He needed this game to be over first, he didn't want to put off Erik's concentration more than he had already done. 

The whole day felt unreal to Jonas. He did everything on auto-pilot. Erik didn't ask him any more questions, just stayed close to him all day and Jonas appreciated that more than Erik knew. He wasn't surprised he was not starting and went through the warm-up like he always did. None of his teammates had a clue, they didn't know him as well as Erik, so he just pretended like everything was okay. Klopp signalled for him to come on in the 87th minute. It felt like a parting gift to Jonas. Klopp had said the final decision was his own, but in reality it wasn't. He was showing him what it would be like if he stayed in this game tonight. 

"I will take the flight to Mainz tomorrow." Jonas said shortly while he stood next to Klopp waiting for Marco to make his way over to him. 

Klopp gave him a small hug. To anyone else it looked like he was just hugging the player like he always did before coming on, but Jonas knew it was almost already a goodbye hug. 

"I'm truly sorry, Jonas..." 

Jonas had always admired and respected Klopp, but right now it just felt like empty words to him. If he was that sorry, he wouldn't ask him to make such a decision and especially not when the season had already started.

Marco reached them and Jonas ran onto the pitch. He felt Erik watching his every move. The last minutes flew by and they won the match 3-2. When they celebrated with the fans Jonas was aware that this would be the last time. This season or maybe forever. Despite what Klopp had said he knew what usually happened to BVB players on loan. And to him it always felt like players who were sent out on loan were seen not good enough. And that's exactly how he felt right now. 

They returned to their room after the game. Jonas noticed Erik wasn't as cheerful as he usually was after they won and he knew he couldn't keep it from him any longer. He was going on a flight to Mainz the next morning and he had to tell Erik. 

Erik sat down on the bed and ran his fingers through his hair. He looked nervous. Jonas had never dreaded a talk as much as in this moment.

Jonas sat down next to him. He had no idea how to start. 

"I'm sorry that I couldn't talk to you yesterday. It wasn't because I didn't want to confide in you, but because I was truly lost for words. And I still am really," Jonas started, looking down on the floor. 

"Just tell me please. Not knowing is driving me crazy now," Erik said honestly and Jonas dared to look into his eyes. 

"They want me to go on loan to Mainz for a year..." Jonas didn't know how else to say it, so he said it out straight away. There was no way to sugarcoat this, because there was nothing to sugarcoat. 

Jonas would never forget the look in Erik's eyes just then, it went from disbelief, to pain and then to to anger all in the space of a few seconds.   
He jumped up and started pacing through the room. 

"Absolutely not! They can't possibly ask you to do that! If they had wanted you to go, they would have asked you before the season preparation surely? Not a few days before deadline day while the season has already started, there's just no way..." 

Jonas moved over to take Erik's hand to have him sit next to him again. 

"It's Shinji, they are bringing him back and Klopp said if I stay I basically get no game time." 

"They can't just replace you! You said to me yesterday you'd fight for your place! Did you tell them that?" Erik looked at him anxiously. He sounded just like how he felt yesterday. How he still felt now. 

"I tried.." Jonas started. 

"Well then, try harder! You are not going to agree, right? Tell me you are not even contemplating it, please?" 

"I'm flying to Mainz tomorrow morning to hear what they have to say..." Jonas whispered.

"You cannot be serious?" Jonas' heart almost broke looking at the pain and anger in Erik's eyes. He tried to reach for his hand again, but now Erik was the one pulling it away. 

"They gave me no choice..."

"That's bullshit, you always have a choice!" Erik was shouting now. Jonas knew his anger was due to being as hurt as he was, but he couldn't deal with it, not now. 

"Don't... Don't make this sound so easy." 

"It IS easy! Just tell them no! There's no point even flying there!" 

Jonas got up from the bed and took off his clothes and went to lie down on his side of the bed. 

"So, this is it again now? You're just going to go to sleep like yesterday? Conversation over?" Erik looked at him accusingly. 

"Yes, this is it. There's no point talking when you're like this." Jonas tried to stay calm, but it was becoming harder and harder. 

"Fine. Do what you want then, you obviously don't care what I think anyways!" 

Erik got up to go to the bathroom and smashed the door shut behind him. He couldn't believe this was happening, this couldn't happen. How could Jonas even consider it? He just couldn't even look at him right now, it was too painful. He sat down on the bathroom floor and just cried. For what felt like hours until he fell asleep in there like that. 

When he woke up again the next morning and went back into the bedroom, Jonas had already left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Noticed this week this has over 2,000 hits now, so thanx to everybody who's still reading it until now :)


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote this chapter ages ago when I had no clue about what's going to happen now. It was painful to relive the start of the loan while writing it and now it just seems surreal after he left for good, but I always planned to post this at the end of the year and now it's very bittersweet. Either way, I'll continue to write the story, because even if hardly anyone else still writes Durmann, I hope some of you - whoever read it until this point - will still continue to want to read it. Hope you like the chapter!

Jonas slept as little as the night before. Just this time it was worse, because Erik wasn't there. He waited for ages for him to come back into their room, but he didn't. His flight to Mainz left really early and he didn't want to wake up Erik in the bathroom. He sent a quick message to Marcel to check if he was awake already, he had a single room. Marcel was usually up early and replied to his text right away. He quietly slipped out of the room and went over to Marcel's. 

Marcel opened the door and looked at him surprised. 

"What is going on?" His look went from surprise to concern when he saw Jonas' bloodshot eyes. 

"Long story, can I use your bathroom?" Jonas just had no energy for any more talks. 

"Sure, go ahead..."

When Jonas was done, he did realise he at least had to tell Marcel about the loan offer too. 

"I'm sorry that I don't really have time to talk now, but I need to catch a flight. To Mainz. They want me to go there on loan for a year..." Jonas still felt surreal saying it out loud. 

Marcel looked as shocked as Erik. 

"No way! Is this a joke?" 

"I wish..." Jonas said quietly. 

"Did you make a decision yet? What did Erik say? 

"Not yet and yeah, that didn't go well. I have to talk to him again, but first I need to go there and see what they say. I'll let you know too of course." Jonas promised and opened the door. Marcel gave him a quick hug. 

"Man, I'm so sorry, Jonas! I know this isn't what you want..."

Jonas smiled sadly. "No, but sometimes life gives you no choice."

The flight to Mainz was pretty short. Jonas had an appointment with Christian Heidel, Mainz' sport director. He had always liked him when BVB played Mainz and he did know about their interest in him last summer, but it was never any issue for him. Heidel had never made a secret about how much he wanted him to play for Mainz, he only had nice words to say during the talk and they were later joined by Mainz' manager Kasper Hjulmand. They explained him their plans for him and it all made a lot of sense and they couldn't have been any nicer, also telling him they were sorry how this had all happened so late in the transfer window, but they would need a decision by tomorrow. Everything in his heart was screaming no all the way through the talk, but he knew in reality the choice had already been made for him, so after consulting with his agent, who was also present, he agreed on their terms and promised Mainz to sign the loan contract on Monday. 

He spent the rest of the day organising things in Mainz. Since they were in the middle of the season, he had to move there right away. He couldn't find a place to stay in just one day so he booked a hotel room for the next week or weeks depending on how long it would take him. Dortmund had booked him into a hotel for Saturday night and his flight back was on Sunday morning. After the third sleepless night in a row he felt like hell and he knew the worst was yet to come. Telling Erik it was actually going to happen. 

Erik wasn't there when he arrived at home. BVB were training and Jonas used that time to pack his things. It was nearly breaking his heart. He didn't want to leave Dortmund or Erik. Living without him for a month when he was in Brazil was bad enough, but to think about living without him for a year was nearly killing him. He moved around the apartment, but felt like he wasn't even really there. Everything was like in trance. When he was done he sat down on the couch, waiting for Erik. He never came home in the afternoon and from exhaustion Jonas had fallen asleep on the couch by the time Erik finally returned at around 8 pm. The sound of the door opening woke him up. 

Erik looked at him and he still looked as hurt as 2 days ago. 

"Hey..." Jonas said quietly. 

Erik just went past him to the kitchen to make something to eat. 

"Are you not talking to me now?" 

Erik turned around. 

"NOW you want to talk? We are always only talking when it's convenient for you are we?" Erik said sarcastically. 

"Please don't do this, Erik..." 

"Don't do what exactly? You're the one making decisions without me!" 

"I don't make decisions without you. They made a decision for me, I had no choice.." Jonas whispered sadly. 

Erik left the kitchen and stood right in front of him, looking down at him. 

"Are you saying you agreed on it?" Erik's voice was scarily calm now. 

Jonas got up from the couch, but Erik took a step back right away. 

"I had no choice..." Jonas repeated. 

"Stop giving me this bullshit! Really, I don't believe this, how could you?" Erik shouted. 

"God Erik, can you try to stop making this even harder for me? Do you think I want any of this?" Jonas was shouting too now. 

"You told me you wanted to fight for your place! Is this what you call fighting, really?" Erik moved back into the kitchen, just to do anything and accidently knocked over a glass. It shattered into a thousand pieces, just like his heart right now. 

Jonas followed him and pulled on his arm to make him turn around. 

"Don't touch me!" Erik jerked his arm away and moved further into the kitchen. 

"You don't know what you're saying, you know I wouldn't leave if there was any chance for me to play here. You were not there when Klopp talked to me, were you? You were not there when I told him I wanted to fight and he basically shut me down and told me I wouldn't play here this season? Or when they told me they had already booked a flight for me? Without talking to me first? So, no, I did not have a choice!" Jonas was crying now. He knew Erik was hurt, but so was he. 

"Yeah, I didn't know all that, because you didn't tell me and you made this decision without me like I mean nothing to you! You don't even care how I feel!" Erik was still shouting. 

The last two sentences were too much for Jonas. He closed the gap between them and pressed Erik's body against the kitchen door. He reached for his face and pressed his lips against his. Erik just froze at first and tried to pull back, but then let Jonas kiss him. Erik's lips felt as soft as he had always imagined them to be and the kiss was not sweet, but full of desperation and pain. When Jonas broke the kiss they were both out of breath. Erik looked at him confused and shocked. Jonas was still holding onto his face, running his thumb over Erik's cheeks.

"Don't ever say you mean nothing to me again..." Jonas whispered and left the room. 

Jonas went to his room and lay down on his bed. What had he done. He knew he shouldn't have kissed him, but he couldn't help himself after what Erik had said. There was too much left unsaid between them right now, but it was all too much. He closed his eyes and after 3 nights of literally getting no sleep he slept straight through until the next morning. Erik was still asleep, when he got up and he knew it was wrong to leave without saying goodbye, but he couldn't face him. Not after the kiss. He just felt overwhelmed by everything right now.

"I'm sorry, Erik..." he whispered to the empty living room and carried all his stuff into his car and started driving to Mainz.


	26. Chapter 26

The night before 

 

Erik watched Jonas walk into his room, shutting the door behind him. He was frozen to the spot. There was so much he wanted to say and he wanted to go after him, but he couldn't. It was all too much. One moment Jonas was telling him that he would be gone for a year and the next he was kissing him. He had no idea what that even meant. He only knew that despite everything the kiss felt so right. And so much better than any kiss he shared with anyone before, which confused him even more. 

He felt like the only logical thing to do now was to sleep over all this. In the morning they could talk. So he went to his own bedroom and after all the drama of the last few days he also fell asleep quickly. 

When he got up the next morning the apartment seemed quiet. Too quiet. It was only 9 am and they had the day off today so he thought Jonas was still asleep and he moved around making himself breakfast quietly to not wake him up. He had still no idea what to say to him, but he knew they had to talk. When Jonas still wasn't up at 10, he gently knocked on his bedroom door. 

"Jonas? Are you awake? It's past 10..." he pushed open the door a little and saw right away that Jonas wasn't there. The curtains were open, the bed was empty and most of his things were gone. He had left - for a year - without even saying goodbye to him. Erik had never felt more hurt and angry at the same time in his life. He smashed the door close and broke down on the floor crying... 

 

* * *

At the same time Jonas had just arrived in Mainz. He realised it was a mistake leaving like he did minutes after he drove on the Autobahn. He contemplated turning back nearly all the way, but didn't. He felt like a coward and he could only imagine what Erik must have thought and felt when he got up. He had totally messed up. He dialled his number right away when he got to his room. He wasn't surprised it went to voice mail. He tried again and again, but Erik didn't pick up the phone. 

He had to drive to Mainz' training ground at 1 pm to sign the contract. His hands were shaking when they gave him the pen and it took all his effort to try and smile brightly for the camera while he felt absolutely sick. There was no way back now. He went through the rest of the day of interviews and meeting his new teammates on auto-pilot. All he wanted to do was talk to Erik. In between interviews he had continued to try and call Erik, but with the same result. When he returned to his hotel room on the night he just felt drained. And so alone. This was just day 1 and he had no idea how to make it through a year without Erik. 

When Erik's voice mail came on for what felt like the 100th time today, Jonas eventually left a message:

"Hey... it's me. There's so much I want to say and I don't want to do it on here, but I totally get why you're not picking up. I should have not just left this morning, I am so sorry, Erik. Really. You don't know how sorry. I was just so overwhelmed by everything, but I know this is no excuse. We need to talk. Today has been hell..." Jonas tried hard to choke back the tears and keep his voice steady, but it was breaking. "Please pick up the phone... I miss you..." he couldn't help but adding this and hung up. 

He tried calling again a few minutes later, but with no success. He just lay there on his bed, staring at his phone with tears streaming down his face. 

* * * 

Erik hadn't moved from the floor in front of Jonas' bedroom all day. He didn't feel like eating or drinking or doing anything. His phone kept ringing with Jonas' photo flashing up and just seeing his smile on the photo made his pain even worse. He couldn't talk to him now, he was too hurt. 

When he noticed it was already getting dark again he slowly walked back to his bedroom and climbed into his bed. His phone still kept ringing and he noticed he had several mailbox messages by now. One was of his mum, wondering why he wasn't answering his phone, same thing from Matthias. When Jonas' voice message started to play, the tears came back immediately. Just hearing his voice hurt and hearing the pain in Jonas' voice hurt even more, but he chose this loan and he chose to leave without saying goodbye. He eventually switched his phone off completely and fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still wrote this chapter including the 2 ones after this before the permanent transfer happened, so all this is only from the loan view a year ago.


	27. Chapter 27

The situation between Jonas and Erik didn't get any better during the next days. Jonas kept trying to call, but always with the same result. Ironically Jonas' second game with Mainz was against Dortmund. He was hoping that he would get the chance to talk to Erik in person somehow before or after the game, but it wasn't to be. 

The Mainz players were on the pitch much earlier before the warm-up, Jonas tried to stay out as long as he could, but Dortmund's team bus was a little late. They both started the game, but didn't play on the same side. Mainz beat Dortmund 2-0 on that day and Jonas felt especially bad for Matthias scoring an own goal. He gave him a hug after the match and then tried to look for Erik. Their eyes met for a split second and before Jonas could go up to him, Erik turned around quickly and went down the tunnel. Jonas had to do many post-match interviews since he played against "his" club and by the time he was finished and showered the BVB bus had already left. 

Jonas started in every game for Mainz and scored his first goal against Frankfurt and also scored a few weeks later against Gladbach. It was going very well for him on the pitch, but off the pitch he couldn't have been any unhappier. He did get on well with his everyone in the team and they tried to include him in a lot of activites, but he just missed Dortmund so much. He missed Erik so much! It had been a bit over a month now since they last talked. Ever since they had known eachother it had never been this long. After the Gladbach game there was another international break. Jonas and Erik were both not called up for the national team or U21 team this time so Jonas decided to go see Erik in Dortmund... 

 

* * *

Erik hated international break time. It gave him even more time to think. And more time alone at home. Löw had decided to try some other players and give many a rest, including him. A rest was just what he didn't want right now. The apartment was so lonely without Jonas, he missed him, but still couldn't get himself to answer any of his calls. He decided to watch BVB II's match on Saturday, it was better than sitting around alone at home. 

Erik knew many of the families of the U23 players from his playing time there and sat down in between them. Everyone was happy to see him, especially Luis, the little son of Solga. Despite his mood Erik couldn't help but smile when the little kid came running towards him wearing his "Durmi" shirt. Erik and Jonas had babysitted him many times a few years back and they both got really attached to him. 

"Eeeeerik", Luis shouted, wrapping his little arms around Erik's knees. 

Erik lifted him up and gave him a cuddle. 

"Hi Luis, give me 5." Erik said holding up his hand and Luis happily high fived him. Erik put him back down and Luis started to look around. 

"Where is Jonas?" Luis asked and just hearing his name changed Erik's mood completely. He tried to put on a bright smile. 

"Jonas is not here today, Luis..." he saw how the little kid's face fell for a moment "But hey, how about we buy you some ice-cream? If that's okay with your mum?" 

Luis' mum nodded and the idea of ice-cream quickly made Luis smile again. Erik watched the game together with them, but his mind wasn't focussed on it. All he could think of was Jonas. They should be here together now. Everything about this loan was so wrong, he tried to escape it coming out to see this game, but he still failed. 

After the game he hung around waiting for Julian Derstroff. He was completely different to him really and the party animal of the team, but that was just what Erik wanted to do now and Julian was always in the mood for a night out. They went to a club and Erik got drunk very quickly. This time he didn't mind. This time he didn't have to think about Jonas waiting for him at home...

 

* * * 

Jonas had arrived back in Dortmund at around 5 pm. He was cursing the traffic all the way through. He should have left earlier, because he had a training session on Sunday morning and still had to drive home that night. He still had his keys for their apartment, but since he wasn't living there at the moment he first of all rang the doorbell. When he realised Erik wasn't there he eventually let himself in. He sat down on the couch and strangely felt like a guest in his own home. He should have told Erik that he was coming to see him, but he wanted to surprise him. After another 2 hours passed, he tried to call Erik, but as always he didn't pick up the phone. He gave himself a deadline to wait for Erik until 10 pm, then he would really have to get back. 10 pm came and Erik was still out. It had been such a long day and drive that against his better judgement Jonas allowed his eyes to close, he'd just nap for a few minutes and then leave. 

Jonas woke up by a bang at 2 am which had him wide awake instantly. The bang was Erik opening the door and then falling against it from the inside. It didn't take him long to realise that he was drunk. He slowly got up from the couch and walked towards him. 

 

* * *

Erik went home by taxi and when he eventually made it inside he thought he was seeing things when he saw Jonas walking towards him. He was drunk, but surely he wasn't THAT drunk. He blinked a few times, but Jonas was still there. His first instinct was to throw his arms around him, but then he remembered how he left again. Jonas had reached him by now and gently put a hand on his arm. Erik snatched his arm away, causing himself to tumble slightly. 

"Don't touch me..." Erik said and tried to walk as normal as possible to the couch where he sat down. 

Jonas knew his timing couldn't have been any worse, there was no point having this conversation with Erik when he was drunk, but he still couldn't get himself to leave. He followed Erik to the couch and sat down next to him. Erik moved to sit further away from him, making it clear, he didn't want any physical contact. 

"Look, I know, this is not the right time now, but I just couldn't stand the silence between us anymore, I had to see you and try to make things right..." 

Jonas looked at Erik pleadingly. 

"The silence you started when you left me for a year without saying goodbye? Is that what you're talking about?" Erik slurred. 

"I know that was a mistake, I.." Jonas started, but Erik interrupted him right away again, getting up from the couch. 

"Yes, it was! And you know what was even more of a mistake? You coming here today. Just get out!" 

Jonas flinched hearing Erik's words, he knew or hoped it was the alcohol talking, but it still hurt. 

"Erik, listen to me at least...." 

"NO! What in "get out" don't you understand? I don't want to hear it, just leave!" Erik walked over to the door and opened it. "Now!" 

Jonas reluctantly got up from the couch and walked to the door. He tried to reach out to touch Erik again, but he stepped back before he could instinctivly. He had never seen his eyes look so cold. 

Before Jonas walked out of the door he turned around to Erik again one more time. 

"I know you don't want to hear it, but I am truly sorry, I really am.." Jonas hadn't even noticed the tears that were rolling down his cheeks. He had cried enough for lifetime in the last weeks, he didn't even realise it anymore. He quickly wiped them away with the back of his hand and walked down the stairs. Erik smashed the door shut after him and Jonas felt more alone than ever.


	28. Chapter 28

Erik woke up with the worst hangover yet the next morning. It took him a long time to fully wake up and he only slowly remembered what had happened last night. He wasn't even sure if he fully remembered, but what he knew was that whatever had happened between him and Jonas, he was out of line. He groaned and reached for his phone. For the first time since Jonas left, there were no missed calls. And Erik couldn't blame him. Their whole situation right now was such a mess and it only seemed to get worse. His finger hovered over the call button, but he felt like this was beyond a phone call now. They really needed to talk in person. 

* * *

Just that they were both busy with preperations for the next Bundesliga game that they couldn't have met even if they wanted to. Jonas didn't try to call Erik again during the week. He was still hoping he didn't mean what he said, but then don't they say you tell the truth when you're drunk? Maybe Erik just really didn't want anything to do with him anymore. 

He tried to shake off his thoughts as he was warming up with Mainz for their match against Augsburg. It was a big game for them and he was delighted when he scored the opening goal in the 20th minute. At least things were going great for him on the pitch and despite him missing Dortmund he was finally enjoying his football again. Mainz had a comfortable 2-0 half time lead and around the 60th minute he tried to force the goalkeeper to lose the ball. He jumped up and after touching the ground again, he immediately felt a sharp pain in his knee and he knew something was very wrong. He lay down clutching his knee and the next minutes went by in a blurr as the pain became nearly unbearable and he was stretchered off the pitch...

* * *

Dortmund had an away game in Köln on the same day. Erik was supposed to start, but then felt his thigh tightening up during the pre-match warm-up. He sighed. The physio came over and quickly decided it was best not to risk him. Erik knew it was probably the right decision, but he still felt frustrated. This season was just going from bad to worse. He sat down on the bench and secretly kept his phone under his shorts. When he wasn't starting or Dortmund and Mainz were not playing at the same time he always watched Mainz' games or at least followed them via live ticker. Even though he was hurt and angry he would have never missed any of Jonas' games. No matter what their private situation was like at the moment, he was glad to see him play and do so well. Dortmund conceded early, but seeing Jonas scored again put a smile on his face. He felt even happier when Ciro equalised right before half-time. Maybe the day would turn out good after all...

But then the 60th minute in the Mainz game happened. He saw Jonas was subbed off on the ticker and it had a little injured icon next to it. He knew he'd get in trouble if anyone saw him, but he quickly opened "Skygo" on his phone. He had to know if he was okay. They always had a one minute delay so the picture came on just as Jonas was carried off the pitch. His hands covered his face and he saw everyone going over to comfort him while he was on the stretcher. 

And then they showed one last replay of the moment Jonas got injured. Erik felt sick. He knew it was bad just by watching. Köln scored again shortly after, but he was never so indifferent about a conceded goal. He tried to call Jonas from the bench already, he didn't care that by now the others next to him had noticed and were giving him strange looks. Jonas' mailbox came on.. He went back to the ticker that had an update about how Jonas was being taken to the hospital. He felt even more sick. The next 20 minutes felt like the longest in his life. After the final whistle, he went over to Jürgen Klopp immediately. 

"Coach, could I talk to you for a minute? 

Klopp looked surprised, but noticed Erik's obvious distress right away. He took him to the side in the player tunnel. 

"Of course, is it your injury?" he asked concerned. 

"No, it's not that. It's Jonas... He got hurt during his game and it sounds really bad and I wanted to ask for your permission to see him? I mean, the physio said I can't train tomorrow anyways and I just really need to see him..." Erik pleaded, close to tears. 

Klopp put his arm around Erik quickly. "Of course. Do you need us to organise a car?" 

Erik shook his head. 

"No, the fastest will be by train. I'll be there in 90 minutes if I can leave right away now?" 

"Okay, go ahead. And do let us know how he is! I hope it's not as bad as it looked!" Klopp replied and Erik almost ran out of the stadium. 

The train ride seemed to last forever. He kept trying to ring Jonas, but his phone was switched off. He must have never put it back on after the game yet which must mean that it is bad! Erik was stressing himself out more and more. 

He finally arrived in Mainz at around 7:30 pm and hailed a taxi to the hospital. He knew which one to go to because of his time at Mainz II. They always took injured players to the same hospital. He quickly ran inside to the reception. 

"Sorry, is Jonas Hofmann still here?" Erik asked breathlessly. 

The lady at the reception looked at him curiously. 

"Are you related to Mr. Hofmann?" she asked politely. 

"No, but I am his best friend and I really need to see him."

"I am sorry, but we can't give out patient information to anyone but family and besides that, visiting hours are over." 

"Look, you don't understand.." Erik tried again and just then saw Christian Heidel exit the lift. He rushed over to him. He still knew him well from his time at Mainz too. Heidel looked surprised to see him. 

"Erik, what are you doing here?" 

"I need to see Jonas, is he okay?" Heidel gave him a sad smile and Erik knew it was bad news. 

"I am afraid he's not. We will only be able to see the full damage on Monday, but he will definitely be out for a while sadly and he is still in a lot of pain right now. They gave him more painkillers, but it will still take a while until they help." 

"Can I see him, please?" Erik begged and the reception lady got involved again hearing his question. 

"I already told him it's past visiting hours..." she said strictly.

Heidel raised a hand to stop her. 

"That's okay, if anyone complains send them to me.." 

He gently moved Erik into the lift and took him to the 3rd floor and Jonas' room. He could see him through the window, his leg up in a cast already. He had his eyes closed and even with eyes closed looked in a lot of pain. Erik tried hard to blink back the tears. Their arguments seemed so irrelevant now. He thanked Heidel and quietly entered the room. 

 

Jonas heard the door open and slowly turned his head. The painkillers still didn't properly kick in and he hardly dared to move. He had never been injured before and had never felt such a pain. He blinked when he saw Erik. Maybe the painkillers were kicking in after all, it couldn't be? 

"Erik?" he whispered hoarsely, his throat felt totally dry. 

Erik walked over towards his bed quickly and sat down on the chair next to him, carefully reaching out to take his hand. With his other free hand he gently brushed back Jonas' hair. 

"Hey... Are you okay?" Erik asked concerned, holding on to Jonas' hand. 

Jonas tried to put on a smile, but failed. 

"Not really... I am really scared it's a torn ACL, Erik..." Jonas replied with a shaky voice and tears in his eyes. 

"Hey, don't say that. Heidel just told me they won't be able to tell until Monday. Try not to think of the worst, Jonas.." Erik whispered, gently wiping away Jonas' tears that were running down his cheeks now. 

"But it hurts so much. I never had anything like that. I am really scared..."

It was nearly killing Erik to see Jonas look like that. He looked so vulnerable. He had a hard time trying not to cry himself. 

"I know. I wish I could say more, but we just have to hope for the best." 

Jonas nodded and for the first time noticed Erik was still wearing his training clothes. 

"How can you be here? What about the game? Did we win?" 

"I didn't play, I had a problem in warm-up and no, we lost. Again."

"Oh no, are you okay?" Jonas asked, his own injury forgotten for the moment. 

"Oh god yes, don't worry, it's nothing, only a thigh strain. I followed your match on my phone and when I read about your injury and saw the video, I knew I had to come right away..." 

"You followed my match from the bench?" Jonas smiled for the first time, which made Erik smile too. 

"I always follow your matches..." Erik replied softly. 

The thought of that and the thought of everything that happened during the last weeks brought tears to Jonas' eyes again. 

"Erik, I'm so sorry. About everything..." 

"Shush..." Erik moved to put a finger on Jonas' lips. "Let's not talk about this now. For now it's only important that you get better. And I am sorry too..." 

There was a knock on the door and a nurse came in. 

"I am sorry, but Mr. Hofmann really needs some rest now, so I will have to ask you to leave. And visiting hours have long been over," she said regretfully. 

Erik turned around and gave her his sweetest smile. 

"I know. I promise I will let him rest. I just want to stay a little longer. Can you maybe make an exception? 

Erik noticed how the nurse blushed. His charm definitely worked on her.

"Okay, well, there will be noone else doing rounds after me so I will just close those window shutters here now and pretend I didn't see you," she conceded and winked. 

Erik turned around again and saw Jonas laugh.

"How do you always do that? But seriously, you should probably go soon, I mean how will you get back to Dortmund now?" 

Erik got up from the chair, took off his shoes and carefully lay down next to Jonas in bed. 

"You didn't think I was going to leave you here by yourself, did you? I am staying..." Erik replied soflty and opened his arm for Jonas to lie in. 

It took Jonas a few moments to get as comfortable as possible with his leg stilled propped up. When he eventually found a way and his head lay on Erik's chest and he listened to his heartbeat, he realised that he didn't feel any pain for ages. The painkillers must have kicked in, but he was sure Erik played a huge part there too. 

He lifted his head up a little again to look into Erik's eyes. 

"Are you in pain again?" Erik asked concerned. Jonas smiled. 

"No... I just wanted to say thank you for coming. It means so much to me.." 

"You would have done the same. There was no way I wouldn't have come, no matter what happened in the last weeks. And now get some sleep, you really need to rest..." 

Jonas nodded and put his head back onto Erik's chest. He felt Erik's hand gently stroking his hair and the soothing rhythm finally sent him to sleep. 

 

Erik felt Jonas' steady breathing on his chest and knew he was asleep. He still never stopped stroking his hair. He hadn't realised until today just how much he had missed being close to Jonas. How much he had missed them. And he promised himself to never let things get this far again, no matter what. Jonas stirred a little in his sleep and wrapped his arm tighter around Erik. Erik placed a small kiss on his head and fell asleep himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to post this after the game today, literally still crying about all the Durmann moments and how there won't be any new ones for god knows how long now, but when you saw them today you'll know no matter what, they'll always love eachother and that was what this chapter was supposed to be about, even if they argued before, when it matters, they're always there for eachother, hope you liked it :)


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the late update! I have been kind of stuck a bit lately as in I just either didn't have time to write or didn't find the right words to continue or was still too upset about Durmann being apart in real life! Or all 3 together! But I definitely do want to continue this story so I hope by posting this it will motivate me to finally write a new chapter again! Hope you like this one and that you still stick with the story despite slower updates and everything that happened in real life :)

Jonas woke up feeling a bit desorientated the next morning. It took him a few seconds to remember where he was and what had happened. The painkillers helped him sleep through the night, but he could feel the pain coming back now. He tried to sit up as quietly as possible to not wake Erik up. Despite the pain, looking down at him made him smile. He was still touched that he came to see him and stayed the night despite everything that had happened. He brushed back a strand of hair that had fallen into Erik's face which made him stir and open his eyes. There was no better sight to wake up to than to Erik's eyes, even in hospital, they could brighten any room. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up." Jonas said and tried to shift his knee around to get more comfortable. 

"Don't be sorry. Are you okay? Do you need anything?" Erik replied and sat up next to Jonas wrapping his arm around Jonas' shoulders. 

Jonas let his head rest against Erik's for a few before he replied. He wanted to be this close to him for as long as possible. 

"Would you mind getting me another painkiller? I think those ones from yesterday are wearing off now." Jonas tried to smile but right on cue his knee hurt more again and he grimaced in pain. 

Watching Jonas in pain was like feeling the pain himself for Erik. He quickly got up and went to look for Jonas' doctor outside on the floor. He found him after a few minutes and went back to Jonas' room with him. 

"I said a painkiller not a doctor, Erik." Jonas joked when they walked in. 

"I was about to come to see you anyways. We'll give you some more painkillers in a minute, but we'll just have to examine your knee again. You'll have to wait outside for that, Mr. Durm, I'll call you back in once we are done here." the doctor said and Erik gave Jonas an encouraging smile before leaving the room. 

Erik checked his phone for the first time since arriving at the hospital and saw he had many missed calls, all from BVB. He totally forgot that he was supposed to update them on Jonas, too. He quickly dialled Klopp's number. 

"Coach, I'm sorry, I totally forgot to check my phone until now," Erik apologised when Klopp answered the phone. 

"We noticed that. Don't worry about it, how is Jonas?" Klopp asked at the other end of the line. 

"Not so great. He is in a lot of pain, but they won't know his exact diagnosis for sure until tomorrow. Can I stay here until then?" 

"I'm afraid not, Erik. We'll need to examine you today to see if you there's anything torn in your thigh and whether you'll be able to travel to Istanbul with us." 

"Can't it wait until tomorrow? I could be there right after he gets his diagnosis? Please?" 

"Sorry, Erik. We know how much you care about Jonas, but we need to have you back here today. We wanted to do a scan this morning, I pushed it back until afternoon, but that still means you'll have to leave soon." 

Erik sighed and ran his hands through his hair. He was fighting a losing battle here and he knew it. "Okay, I'll be on my way shortly," he said curtly and hung up without waiting for another reply. He was sure his own examination could have waited until tomorrow, he really didn't want to leave Jonas in the hospital by himself. 

Jonas' doctor left his room after a few minutes, he told Erik it was okay to go back in again and that they definitely had to wait until tomorrow to get a diagnosis and to decide whether Jonas needed an operation. 

Erik went back into Jonas' room and sat on his bed reaching for his hand. 

"Is everything okay?" Jonas asked after noticing that Erik looked a bit distressed. 

"I'll have to go back to Dortmund soon. Klopp just told me. They need to examine my thigh." Erik said sadly. 

Jonas squeezed his hand. 

"Of course they would and you know it's important for your recovery to get that done as soon as possible. You should have already had it checked out this morning, Erik." 

"That's what Klopp said, but seriously I am sure it's fine, I hardly feel it now. I wanted to stay here with you until tomorrow at least!" 

"There's nothing we can do but wait anyways. I'll be okay, don't worry. I'm so tired, all you would have seen would have been me sleeping." 

"But you'll let me know as soon as you know tomorrow, right?" 

"Of course! And let me know about your thigh too." 

"I will." 

Erik was still sitting on the bed holding Jonas' hand. 

"You'll need to let go of my hand to get up, Erik," Jonas joked, making Erik laugh. 

"I know, but I'll at least wait until you're asleep again before I leave." 

"You don't have to!" 

"I know, but I want to and your doctor said you need a lot of rest, so I am just making sure you get that before I leave." 

Jonas rolled his eyes. 

"Now you sound like my mum." 

Erik still never moved and Jonas could feel his eyelids get heavy again. Those painkillers were really taking it out on him. 

 

Erik waited until Jonas was fast asleep before he got up. He looked so peaceful when he was asleep. He really didn't want to leave. He leaned down over his head and instinctivly brushed his lips against Jonas' quickly, but gently. He wasn't sure what made him do that, but it felt right. Just like everything always felt right when they were together. Jonas stirred a little and Erik was sure he could see a little smile on his face or maybe he was imagining it. He quietly opened the door and left Jonas' hospital room with a heavy heart.


End file.
